Undergraduate / 'I learned to love' - Person who impacted your life essay for college apps. [3]

It is a beautifully written essay that really grabs attention. However, my personal attention was held only up until the middle. After that, I felt impatient and couldn't wait to learn who that person really is. I wouldn't suggest stating the exact name of the individual since it is very personal, but at least give us a hint about who this person is -- is it your best friend, boy/girl friend, or just a sympathetic classmate?

Though I can sense a bond developing between you two, I still cannot completely grasp what personal qualities this person helped you develop. Yes, the story is sentimental and beautiful, but how does it make the college want to take you.

If I were you, i would say that together you made plans to actually change the world--eliminate poverty. Because the officer would be OK that student didn't like poverty--BUT WHAT DID HE'SHE DO?

Hope that helps, take a look at mine?

Undergraduate / 'I learned to love' - Person who impacted your life essay for college apps. [3]

Excellent! Now I know his name at the start, but I still get hooked by intrigue and my attention stays focused. I finally get to know that this is "friendship" that you are talking about, and not just any kind, but true,deep friendship. I also see how that person changes you through the essay. I see that you become a better thinker because of him and that he inspires you to make a change in the world.

Overall, great work! If I was the committee, I would say I want this student because she knows the true value of friendship and allows friends to change her in a good way.

Best,
Dorothy