Jason sp
Sep 1, 2012
Writing Feedback / TOEFL--It is more important to relate well with people than studying hard at school. [3]
This is a TOEFL topic:
For future success,It is more important to relate well with people than studying hard at school.
Nowadays, the competition for a good job is becoming more and more fiercer. Some people believe that it is more important to develop better relationship with many people than studying hard at school. Admittedly, having a good social circle will bring you good fortune and can easily get help from other people when searching for a job. However, in my point of view, studying hard in school would definitely bring more benefits in the long run. It will equip us with good knowledge and new ideas.
First of all, studying hard gives us better understanding of the major you are in. It is obvious that spending more time and efforts in study will yield better performance. Most of the companies will value the ability to study. For example, one of my college classmates studies so hard at school that she spends less time for social activities. Sometimes she even studies overnight. When she graduates from college, she gets more offers than others .Most of the offers are from the top 500 companies in the world. If she doesn't study hard, she would not have such a good fortune.
Secondly, studying hard could yields more creative ideas which are important for future success. Apparently, the more efforts you paid , the better outcome you will get. One example immediately comes to my mind is the wealthiest man in the world--Bill Gates who is the former CEO of Microsoft company. It is well known to us that he spends most of his time in programming in school. After he dropped out of Harvard, he decided to start his own business. With the knowledge he has learned in school, he invented the Windows and other revolutionary products. Within years of efforts, the company finally becomes one of the most valuable companies in the world. It is no wonder that innovation often comes from hard study and plays an important role in business success.
The last but not the least, studying hard at school will enable you to make life-long friends. Although people who study hard usually have fewer friends, their friendship is much closer and longer. Their friends not only share the same interest but also study hard. For example, without the help from Woz, Steve Jobs will never found the Apple Inc. and become successful for the apple computers. Therefore, a few intimate friends are better than lots of ordinary friends.
To sum up, studying hard in school is more important for success in future job than to have a good relationship with other people. There is no doubt that we will become the master in our field if we spend lots of time and lots of efforts. That is to say, efforts will always pay off.
Hello,I'm new here.
I am about to take the TOEFL test in less than few days.This is my writing sample.
Is my essay generally well developed or well organized ?Are the examples relate well to my topic?
Any suggestion would be appreciated!
This is a TOEFL topic:
For future success,It is more important to relate well with people than studying hard at school.
Nowadays, the competition for a good job is becoming more and more fiercer. Some people believe that it is more important to develop better relationship with many people than studying hard at school. Admittedly, having a good social circle will bring you good fortune and can easily get help from other people when searching for a job. However, in my point of view, studying hard in school would definitely bring more benefits in the long run. It will equip us with good knowledge and new ideas.
First of all, studying hard gives us better understanding of the major you are in. It is obvious that spending more time and efforts in study will yield better performance. Most of the companies will value the ability to study. For example, one of my college classmates studies so hard at school that she spends less time for social activities. Sometimes she even studies overnight. When she graduates from college, she gets more offers than others .Most of the offers are from the top 500 companies in the world. If she doesn't study hard, she would not have such a good fortune.
Secondly, studying hard could yields more creative ideas which are important for future success. Apparently, the more efforts you paid , the better outcome you will get. One example immediately comes to my mind is the wealthiest man in the world--Bill Gates who is the former CEO of Microsoft company. It is well known to us that he spends most of his time in programming in school. After he dropped out of Harvard, he decided to start his own business. With the knowledge he has learned in school, he invented the Windows and other revolutionary products. Within years of efforts, the company finally becomes one of the most valuable companies in the world. It is no wonder that innovation often comes from hard study and plays an important role in business success.
The last but not the least, studying hard at school will enable you to make life-long friends. Although people who study hard usually have fewer friends, their friendship is much closer and longer. Their friends not only share the same interest but also study hard. For example, without the help from Woz, Steve Jobs will never found the Apple Inc. and become successful for the apple computers. Therefore, a few intimate friends are better than lots of ordinary friends.
To sum up, studying hard in school is more important for success in future job than to have a good relationship with other people. There is no doubt that we will become the master in our field if we spend lots of time and lots of efforts. That is to say, efforts will always pay off.
Hello,I'm new here.
I am about to take the TOEFL test in less than few days.This is my writing sample.
Is my essay generally well developed or well organized ?Are the examples relate well to my topic?
Any suggestion would be appreciated!