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What do you want to change about your school?


layla88 3 / 16  
Sep 1, 2012   #1
If you could make one important change in a school that you attended, what change would you make? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.

Almost the entire of students would like to change something in their school. Talking of making an important change in my school, I'd like to alter school budget management. The reason goes as follow.

The school that I attend has poor financial management. There are less connection between what students need and what are bought for the school. For instance, there are number of advanced computers in the computer room which no one take use of them, while in laboratory there is not sufficient advanced equipment, which students require for their studies. Even the lab equipments that are bought are useless. As a result, although students are hardworking and talented, their outcomes are limited.

If budget management be improved and direct efficiently, both the school and the students will benefit. Efficient management requires that the manager concerns teachers and students' needs. for example, there should be more classes that are equipped by projectors and laboratory equipment should be provided according to research requirements that supervisors conduct. In this case, teachers will provide updated teaching style and research topics, students will learn more and improve their results. As a consequence, successful students will enhance the school's reputation.

To sum up, I think the most important thing that should be changed about my school is its poor budget management. If this happen, the teachers will teach efficiently, students improve their performance and school gain better reputation.

ace 5 / 66 5  
Sep 1, 2012   #2
To sum up, I think the most important thing that should be changed about my school is its poor budget management.

You should expand/research about who manages the school's budget? It seems that the teachers have a great role.. so it may not be possible to improve budget unless teachers go back to teaching, not managing budgets.
OP layla88 3 / 16  
Sep 1, 2012   #3
it is just a TOEFL essay
neo1989 8 / 15  
Sep 1, 2012   #4
i think its generally good
but its too short for toefl
you just need to write at least 325 words also you should mention three reasons why you are holding an opinion
but your statements are coherent and meaningful
GOOD LUCK
Jason sp 1 / 1  
Sep 1, 2012   #5
I think your essay needs some transitional expressions,such as :First of all, However,Finally... That would make your essay seem organized.
BTW, your language is clear and fluent.
Hope it would be helpful !


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