Undergraduate / UT Undergraduate Admissions Essay- Topic B - "An Everlasting Scar" [9]

An Everlasting Scar

3 a.m. on a Saturday and I haven't slept all night. My eyes are swollen, I have difficulty breathing and even my hair is drenched in my own sweat and tears from the lack of sleep and elevated levels of severe anxiety. This was a typical weekend night for me at the age of twelve until well into my sophomore year of high school, crying endlessly each night because I was engulfed in my own physical and emotional insecurity. However, one night, my usual, emotional rampage was interrupted and everything changed as a certain individual confronted me with the most astonishing question I have ever heard in all my seventeen years of life and which was simply, "What is the purpose of your life if you're living it in favor of others?" (The sentence sounds really good and flows nicely, but I get the feeling it's a run-on sentence.) The origin of these words were from no other than my own mother, who didn't dare to intervene in my personal problems ever before but had the ability to remarkably change my perspective on life and myself in just a matter of a simple question.

Diagnosed at the age of thirty-three with lichen planus, a chronic mucocutaneous disease that scars the skin with dark, itchy patches all along the body which is permanent and at times painful, my mother has suffered the worst phases of insecurity a human being can ever expect to experience. Spending the last twenty-two years with scarring across her face and body, enduring strange looks from strangers everyday and constantly applying crèmes and makeup in effort to conceal her blemishes, my mother has silently taught me the sense of appreciation and the importance of self-confidence. I never knew how much inner strength my mother possessed to continue her life doing the things she loved without a care of what others would say when her back was turned.

Shortly after asking me that question on that noteworthy night, my mother took me in both of her affectionate hands and led me to mirror where I saw the reflection of a miserable, young girl. My mother then urged me to look deep into the pupils of that miserable girl's eyes and ask her, "Why are you crying child? You cry when one should rejoice for God's merciful grace is showered upon you!" My mother from that moment on made me realize the carelessness of my past ways in wasting so much of my youth weeping about the spoils I selfishly yearend for. My mother made me grasp the concept that no matter how much I think I am suffering there will always be someone in this world who is suffering twice more than I am but has twice as much confidence that the better is yet to come. I finally realized how close to home this concept was, in the circumstances of my mother. I used my mother as a role model for hope, a woman who despite being infected with a permanent skin disease has overall the many obstacles to become a working woman, with two healthy children, a happy marriage and a satisfying lifestyle, yes she may be scarred behind the makeup, but what does that matter?

I took my mother's advice and wisdom with more earnest respect that any athlete could pay to his coach or any solider could pay to his lieutenant. I used her teachings and insights and applied it to every aspect of my life I didn't appreciate not once before before. I began to thank God tremendously for everything He has given me rather than mourn for what He hasn't. I saw the light of my facial perfections and let it radiate from myself and cast darkness on my useless insecurities. I could walk through hallways and stores without feeling insecure or nonetheless even care if people were staring at me or what they thought of my appearance. I grew stronger and filled myself with more hope after witnessing how my mother effortlessly lives her life to her expectations regardless of what other people may think or say. My mother, a simple woman of character and humility, has left a mark in my soul and my way of life that will evermore be cherished. She has left a scar on my life that I will want to forever keep.

Really great essay you got there :) Love your word choices! I think one thing you could improve on, and again, this is only if you want to, is to talk about what physical or emotional insecurity you felt. In the conclusion, I felt confused on that.

Thanks for revising mine too :)

Undergraduate / Someone who influenced me University of Texas @ Austin; The art of communication [4]

Guys, I really need people to edit mine. PLEASE revise mine?

Undergraduate / Personal Essay: VISIT FROM MADAMOISELLE ALOPECIA [3]

Your essay looks good. Nothing dramatic to fix as sentences go, but there were a lot of run-on sentences that kept trailing off. You should probably break those. Lots of commas have been inserted. Otherwise, looks good.

Revise mine? It would help me out a lot! :)