Posts by Meiling

Meiling

Sep 10, 2012

Essays / University of Washington Freshman writing advise; great introductions [3]

Can someone give me advise on how to write a great introduction for the following prompts? I want to learn how to create an opening paragraph that will grab the reader's attention right from the get-go.

The two prompts are:
1. Tell us a story from your life, describing an experience that either demonstrates your character or helped to shape it.
I wanted to write an essay about how I have learned to balance out my activities while overcoming many challenges. For example, I compete in track & field, I'm involved with community service, I'm really focused on my academics (AP classes), and I have to watch what I spend due to my family's financial issues.

2.Describe an experience of cultural difference or insensitivity you have had or observed. What did you learn from it?
I'm half chinese and my first language was Cantonese. I'm often mistaken for either being Latino or sometimes Japanese. I lean towards my asian side since I always hang out/ visit my asian cousins. I celebrate chinese new years and of course, I love tea and rice!

Any advise or opinions are welcome!

Meiling

Sep 17, 2012

Essays / University of Washington Freshman writing advise; great introductions [3]

Thank you so much

This is what I have so far for the second topic. I'm kind of stuck right now.

"Hey, what are you having for lunch?" my friend asked curiously. I glanced down at my food: fried rice with a side of spring rolls. I guess my lunch isn't exactly the typical American lunch. In fact, I'm even using a different utensil: chopsticks. Oh and did I mention my beverage is jasmine tea? I guess I can't help it. This is a part of my culture. This is a part of me.

I'm proud to be half Chinese and half Caucasian. These two cultures are rather- what's the word- totally unrelated. But perhaps that is what draws me closer to my ethnicity. My mother is Chinese and my Father is American. They stand at opposite ends of the table. My mother prefers bitter foods while my father prefers sweet ones. My mom likes to "tear off the bandage" quickly while my father likes to take an indirect approach. I am the reconcilement of these two different cultures. I take the best of each and make it my own.

Over the years, I have developed different outlooks on things. I am able to take indirect and direct approaches depending on the situation. I tend to come off as a shy person, but when the time is right, I will be assertive.

Meiling

Oct 14, 2012

Essays / Topic: About Yourself - Help me to make a fantastic narrative essay about my traits [5]

Maybe you could start off with a story or start with a setting dating back during the renaissance, a period filled with creative people. Anyways, it depends on the various works of art you have to use. I would personally incorporate lots and lots of imagery since character traits can be expressed emotionally and many other ways. Try not to make it too hard then it really is and try to have fun with it.

Best of luck!

Meiling

Oct 14, 2012

Poetry / Where am I? I am here! (poem) [2]

Overall, I do like your poem; however, I would personally add some figurative language to it and make it a little longer. Also, I feel a little disconnected with the line "I pretend it is." I really like the repetition and there is definitely an emotional tone coming from the poem!

I hope this helps!

Meiling

Oct 14, 2012

Writing Feedback / 'Pursuance, never succeed in track again' - College Essay Revision [2]

All suggestions are welcome. Please feel free to add or take anything out that is necessary. Please help me!!

Prompt: Tell us a story from your life, describing an experience that either demonstrates your character or helped to shape it.

Pursuance

Bang! The gun went off. I took off like a fired cannon, blowing around the corner, tearing up the track as I went. Nothing could stop me. Moments later, I found myself at the finish line trying to catch my breath. I gazed up at the enormous screen embedded with my time. Gaping at the screen for what seemed like a millennium, I tried to scramble for words. Nothing came out but a scream of delight. I, Michelle Nemeth, a freshman on the Central Valley High School track team, had just qualified for the state championships in the 200m. dash.

I remembered being in a jovial mood that day, but could this sensation last forever? Two years have passed, and I am now a junior. Things have definitely changed. I am no longer the naive freshmen I once was. I am someone who has given a lot of thought about the future. I am someone who is concerned about their academics. I am someone who no longer thinks like a child. I am now a mature, young adult. Having so much on my mind, something had to slip. For the first time ever, my life, my passion, my love for track, was fading away from me like a dream.

Could it be I will never succeed in track again? All my happiness and achievements just down the drain? No. I couldn't let that happen. I realized if track was being pulled away from me, I needed to snatch it back before it was too late. Instead of moping around and sulking, I bounced back, training harder than before. Like my dad always said, "Track is a marathon. There will be a long journey ahead of you." In the summer, prior to my track season of junior year, I was committed to training everyday with my trainer and eating healthier. I devoted myself to this task and when all was said and done, I managed to succeed. At the end of the summer, I had a speed test with my trainer. To my surprise, I managed to sprint 4.76 seconds in the 40m. dash which was awfully fast for a girl. Things started to look good.

By the time junior track season rolled around, I was set. Even though I carried a heavy weight upon my shoulders from all my worries about the future, I sensed a good track season would still be present. Unfortunately, a hapless event took a toll at the beginning of my season. For what started out as a minor strain in the left quad, soon became a tear as the season progressed. Unable to allow the injury to fully heal, I was incapable of competing at my full ability. To my dismay, I was unable to finish the season. Unable to reveal my potential, I was filled with frustration and anger. All my hard work and dedication, down the drain, like it never happened.

As time progressed, everything finally became evident. Even though I was once blinded by devastation and hate from my failure, I finally realized my accomplishment. Although I was unsuccessful during my track season, I was still able to achieve one thing: perseverance. I will continue to work hard in everything I do. What ever obstacles life throws at me, I know I will be able to endure it. This is just the beginning.