Undergraduate / 'performing a traditional Thai dance' - Extracurricular Essay [15]

I think it's great! I love the short sentences, really makes it stand out.

Undergraduate / 'I am African' If I could Lend My Heart Words [4]

I am new to essayforum and I'm not really sure if we always have to correct the essays, so sorry if this is utterly pointless.

Your essay is pretty amazing and I love everything about it! I love the rhythm of it and the repetition of "I am African..when..." very very well written and full of imagery. I can only hope my essay is as good as yours and I am sure you will amaze the readers and get into those universities, best of luck :)

Undergraduate / Review and Criticize my College Essay introduction [4]

Both are fun essays :) BUT I prefer the second one (option 4) because it's more positive, at least in the end. I like the first one, but more as a high school essay and not a college entrance since it gives the sense that you are an average complaining teenager (which we should really hide when it comes to college essays). Remember you are not showing the university who you are, but who you can become. Show them what you are capable of (in the future) in your essay.