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Posts by Jack10977
Joined: Jan 11, 2009
Last Post: Jan 17, 2009
Threads: 1
Posts: 9  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 10
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Jack10977   
Jan 11, 2009
Undergraduate / My first Essay. how a college education will change your life [28]

The essay should describe how a college education will change your life. It should include:

topics or areas you hope to explore at Empire State College
your academic and personal experience, interests and strengths
your longer-term personal and professional goals
If you have previously applied to, or been enrolled at Empire State College and are re-applying, please complete the essay noting any changes in your goals since you last applied.

Enter your essay in the box below (250 word minimum):

PLEASE HELP. IS THE FOLLOWING GOOD?

Why am I applying at Empire State College?
At Empire State College, I hope to be able to explore a variety of topics. My main goal is in the area of Human Development, to understand human experience and behavior. I would love to learn about the experience, growth and behavior of human beings; patterns of development in life stages - infancy, childhood, adolescence, adulthood and aging. As described in Empire State Colleges' overview page.

As a Teacher for 5 years I have learned a lot. I learned that every Human being, especially a child is unique. Every Child has his or her needs, qualities and shining points.

As a Teacher I ran many times into difficult situations. For example, once a student cried out loud in my class: "My mother beats me with a whip every night. I am not going home anymore"! I was lost in words. I felt so bad for him, but was not skilled enough to be able to help this child. It was this story, and many others that made me decide. I need to learn how to understand human behavior better. I will pursue a College Degree in Psychology, and try to help the unfortunate rebuild their lives.

My goal is to become a professional Psychologist. To be able to earn a living by helping others have a better life, a better future and thereby make the world a better place.

I am confident that Empire State College is my right choice. With convenient online courses, that will let me keep my Job, with God's will, I believe Empire will make my educational dreams come true.
Jack10977   
Jan 11, 2009
Undergraduate / My first Essay. how a college education will change your life [28]

Thank You so much Jennifer.
What do you say to the Essay as a whole?
Does combining the 2 sentences like this help?
I would love to learn about the experience, growth and behavior of human beings; patterns of development in life stages - infancy, childhood, adolescence, adulthood and aging, as described in Empire State Colleges' overview page.
Jack10977   
Jan 12, 2009
Undergraduate / My first Essay. how a college education will change your life [28]

Thank you for replying. I will revise it and see what you have to say.
Thank you

P.S.
Marcellinus Jun Ha Lyu
I don't see why you say this is a why us essay. This looks like a why are you pursuing etc. essay.
Please explain
Thanks
Jack10977   
Jan 13, 2009
Undergraduate / My first Essay. how a college education will change your life [28]

Thank you everyone on your comments. I tried revising it. This is what i got. Can anyone comment.
Thanx for being so patient, this is my first Essay and English isn't my native language.

Why I am applying to Empire State College
Being a teacher for five years has learned me a lot. I learned that every human being, especially a child is unique. Every child has his or her needs, qualities and shining points.

As a teacher I ran into difficult situations on many occasions. For example, a student cried out loudly in my class: "My mother beats me with a whip every night. I am not going home anymore"! I was lost for words. I felt so sorry for him, but I was not powerful enough to be able to help this child. It was this story, and many others that influenced me and encouraged me to learn how to understand human behavior better. I decided that I will pursue a College Degree in Psychology, and try to help the unfortunate rebuild their lives.

After doing some research on distance learning, I discovered Empire State College. Empire State Colleges' overview page on human development caught my eye. I realized that Empire State College will help me acquire a deep understanding of human development, experience and behavior. I became convinced that it would be the right place to learn about the experience, growth and behavior of human beings; patterns of development in life stages - infancy, childhood, adolescence, adulthood and aging.

When I will graduate from Empire State College I hope to become a professional Psychologist. Thus to be able to earn a living by helping others have a better life, a better future and thereby make the world a better place.

I am confident that Empire State College is my right choice. With convenient online courses, that will let me keep my Job, with God's will, I believe Empire will make my educational dreams come true.
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