Undergraduate / 'Born on purpose into Earth' - UCF essay (bump / uniqueness) [3]

red = "take this out"
blue = additions/changes
green = comments

1. I have lived on this planet called Eartha little awkward for e ighteen years now and if I've learned anything in that time, it's that you are the main key to your own life. The funny thing is that your life is influenced by so many factors, good and bad. We are influenced from the fashion trends that are the "new" right now all the way to the type of food that we eat from our culture and heritage. My life is filled with experiences, good and bad, that have come to define me . I am going to quote an old English poet on my belief of your family; "Blood is thicker than water. It is what defines us, binds us, and curses us." I will not say that being Hispanic makes family relationships stronger than those of American families, but I will state that I believe family is a huge part of life. I am Hispanic at heart, living the American Dream. I celebrate the Fourth of July and Dia de Los Muertos (Day of the Dead). I have been through what most have not and at the same time everyday things so that makes me, the only way I can explain it, me. I live my life frugal yet adventurous and hope to live life to the fullest. I would rather my grave say that I died having fun, than bedridden feeling miserable. My culture has molded me while America and its luxuries have filled in the cracks. Now it is time to let destiny guide me on my way to tomorrow.

The essay is a bit short, and the sentence structure could be played with a bit to make it a little less same-y. Maybe go into something unique about your family and its traditions rather than just talking about Hispanics as a community.

Just some suggestions, good luck!

Undergraduate / 'Kimberly, Margaret, and I' - Common App reflection - topic of your choice [2]

First sentence: take out the first two commas. Change "befriend" one of the two times you use it in the first paragraph, the repetition is not great. "It was ___"; e.g. "It was from Margaret" ; "It was in freshman year" you use a LOT. Not a bad structure, just used too much. The last paragraph is strong because it shows culmination of your efforts in friendship.

I like the idea here, and your vocabulary is good. With some little tweaking of the language, this has a lot of potential!