Undergraduate / "What about spaghetti?" Is this a good start? USC personal statement [7]

Hello,

I think your PS starts out great. I agree with luying9682 when he says you should quote the "conversation" in the beggining. I think you should add something more that shows the "sparkle" you have. The pasta example holds on in the example, the family history gives a support, but it's missing the "sparkle".

Other than that I find your personal statement great.

Good luck :)

Scholarship / 'Do your best' - scholarship essay [2]

Hello,

I like how you started, nice quote. However as you move I think you should give stronger examples of your preserverance in completing whatever activity is given, and also why you believe that this scholarship would be beneficial for you.

Good luck

Graduate / 'Fascination in electronics, from Bangalore, India' - evaluate my SOP [3]

Hello,

Well I don't know if everyone agrees but I guess I would start differently the first line. I think you should start with a hook, something that motivates the reader to continue.

I am Shashank H.R, who has done his undergraduate degree in electrical engineering, from the famous Sir M Visvesvaraya Institute of Technology, Bangalore, India.

I like how the second paragraph approaches your passion for the field. I would just rephrase the question, to make it more appealing. I mentioned something about my childhood (you mention your father) but I received an advice to be careful regarding this issue. Maybe you should rephrase that as well.

I think you also talk very less about your undergrad experience, what impacted you during your undergrad. What about the GPA?

Towards the end I think there is no flow between the last three paragraphs. You should try to get a more flowing between your education and the book you read.

I like the last paragraph.

Good luck :)