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Posts by Jazzy13
Joined: Oct 19, 2012
Last Post: Oct 19, 2012
Threads: 1
Posts: 2  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 3
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Jazzy13   
Oct 19, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Academics not difficult to me' - FSU Admission Freshman Essay Topic [2]

I already submited the essay to the university and i had my God Mom look over it, however i'd still like to see what you guys think. Please keep in mind that this is my first essay I've had to write so if its terrible, i understand.

Prompt: Florida State University is more than just a world-class academic institution preparing you for a future career. We are a caring community of well-rounded individuals who embrace leadership, learning, service, and global awareness. With this in mind, which of these characteristics appeal most to you, and why?

Knowledge is an infinite aspect of the perpetually changing world we live in today. In order to grow with these changes, we as a people must be open to the idea of learning. This idea pertains not only to academics, but the important life lessons we're faced with on a day-to-day basis. Our personal experiences not only allow us to learn from our mistakes, but provide us the necessary practice to be applied to other aspects of life. Learning appeals most to me, being that I realized early in life that education is everything.

Throughout my early educational experience, academics were never a difficulty of mine. All through my education A's came easy for me. It wasn't until my freshman year of high school when I learned that my days of doing the bare minimum and receiving a grade I was proud of, was over; especially at a world class high school. The easy A's I was use to were now C's, and on a good day, low B's. I once read "When you want to succeed as bad as you breathe, then you will be successful". This quote caused me to have somewhat of an epiphany: if I earnestly wanted to earn the grade I expected, I had to work for it. I had to push through boundaries and work hard to achieve my desired results. Whether it be missing lunch to study for a test or completing homework after a late volleyball game, if I wanted it, I had to work for it; no excuses.

Although sometimes, I still fell short of an A by a point or two, the lesson learned surpassed the grade by a long shot. The message to persevere will help me through life's difficulties I may be faced with as an adult. Despite contrary belief, learning isn't solely academic achievement. It entails a person's growth and maturity as a person. As clichĂŠ as it sounds, it's about making mistakes and learning from them. Alan Ada once said "Be as smart as you can, but remember, it's always better to be wise than smart". To me, knowledge gives life meaning and one should want to learn as much as possible in a given lifetime. Learning embraces all aspects of life and by choosing to learn, one is choosing to live.
Jazzy13   
Oct 19, 2012
Undergraduate / 'determination and perseverance' - critique my Michigan State essay [5]

Wow what a pretty good essay. As childish as it may sound, I feel that your essay would be even stronger if you distinguished between paragraphs. Colleges like to see that students can write on a college level an the inclusion of paragraphs is the bare minimum. Even though your essay has a very solid topic and argument per se, basics such as format, grammar, and proper usage of commas, periods etc is still required. Hopefully you don't take this the wrong way.

P.S. Please read my essay!
Jazzy13   
Oct 19, 2012
Undergraduate / 'The lifter and yell' - I need Common App Critique [3]

First off KUDOS to you for the diction used in this essay. EXCELLENT! Your essay is well on it's way to your college admission...I KNOW IT! However, I do feel as if you give reference to God a little too often. In now way am I anti-Christ, however it is fairly distracting in terms of the real impact your experience had on you. Your numerous references to God come off as this being more of a spiritual experience and how you grew more in your relationship to God. You also might want to consider putting quotation marks in around "AHHHHHHH!" seeing as though its an onomatopoeia and they need to be distinguished as so.

BTW Please go and read one of my essays and comment as critical as you'd like!
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