mamazing
Oct 22, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Receiving help from others' - University of Michigan essay, the qualities attract me [7]
My biggest advice to you is to tell a story! Your essay will be so much more engaging if you talk about a time that you felt guilty for receiving help and how that inspired you to want to help others.
How long is the essay supposed to be? It seems kind of short, and I think you could develop your ideas a lot more.
Watch out for grammar mistakes:
From the time I can remember, I have.. I think you mean "for as long as I can remember"
whether if they are a stranger or who I know. Whether they are a stranger or someone I know.
Myself, not my self
Help not helps
You have many more mistakes.. but don't get discouraged. I would suggest revising your essay and then once you have a draft you want to submit, sit down with someone to make sure you have no mistakes.
Overall, I like your idea! Work on telling a story and developing it more.
My biggest advice to you is to tell a story! Your essay will be so much more engaging if you talk about a time that you felt guilty for receiving help and how that inspired you to want to help others.
How long is the essay supposed to be? It seems kind of short, and I think you could develop your ideas a lot more.
Watch out for grammar mistakes:
From the time I can remember, I have.. I think you mean "for as long as I can remember"
whether if they are a stranger or who I know. Whether they are a stranger or someone I know.
Myself, not my self
Help not helps
You have many more mistakes.. but don't get discouraged. I would suggest revising your essay and then once you have a draft you want to submit, sit down with someone to make sure you have no mistakes.
Overall, I like your idea! Work on telling a story and developing it more.