Posts by lfandronic

lfandronic

Oct 23, 2012

Graduate / 'engineering models' - Application Essay to MBA/MSE System Engineering Dual Program. [4]

Hello,
and thank you for taking the time to read my essay. It is a first draft. The essay (500 words) needs to be a brief statement regarding my interest to the MBA/MSE System Engineering Dual Program. I need to include information regarding my preparation for the program specified. I'm allowed to send a resume along with the application. The current version is a longer than 500 words. Can you please help me make this essay better and more convincing?

I greatly appreciate your help.

Flavia

I am a young woman interest in engineering design. Becoming a scientist in the engineering field excited me ever since I was a young girl. Engineering is my calling.

During my undergraduate studies at University of California, Davis I have taken a variety of classes in Biology, Biomedical Engineering, Mechanical Engineering and Mathematics. I majored in Biomedical Engineering and minored in Education and Mathematics. With such diverse background, I am confident that I am prepared to face the challenges of graduate school.

I was always interested in finding out how the design of physical and mechanical systems is evaluated and brought to completion. The Mechanical and Biomedical Engineering courses - Dynamic and Static Interactions, Engineering Design Project, Integration of System Engineering - provided me with the first glimpse into the processes and interactions occurring in manufacturing a cost-efficient project. The two quarters I spend designing a new creepster crawler for Easter Seals Physiological Therapy Center gave me a chance to apply and further understand the concepts presents in these classes. It was exiting to see how the calculations and implementations my team and I made provided a valuable device in the aid of helping neuro-motor impairments become mobile at an early stage of their lives. This experience made me wanted to know and understand more about how models work and altered to meet the client's specifications and demands. Hence I want to study towards masters in MBA/MSE System Engineering Dual Degree at San Jose State University which is a great fit for me.

My background has molded me into the scholar I am and the perseverant female scientist I am in the process of becoming. As a young dedicated woman in the field of science, I bring diversity to the MBA/MSE System Engineering Dual Degree though my bicultural experience and approaches to research dilemmas. I want to represent the Romanian community within higher education programs. As part of a minority group, my dream of becoming a scientist will inspire young generations to pursue interests in the fields of science and engineering.

Patient and hard working, I am also extremely dedicated to my goal of playing a meaningful part in the struggle for planning proper and successful implementation of engineering models. I am also very strong in time management and prioritizing, which helps me to achieve what I aim to do. I feel strongly that the greatest contribution I can make is to participate in the ongoing quest for new, better ways to address the interdisciplinary field of engineering along side of cost-effective models. I have faith that advancements in the fields of System Engineering and Business will offer a new understanding of the coloration between favorable changes for the companies within the Silicon Valley area. As I have gained experience in all the tools available to me, I have become ever more drawn to research and collaboration with highly respected scientists and developers/designers.

lfandronic

Oct 23, 2012

Graduate / 'engineering models' - Application Essay to MBA/MSE System Engineering Dual Program. [4]

Here is the last paragraph:

Although my precise career goals have yet to be refined, my interests include studying the tools for appropriately designing plans for system effectiveness. I am especially interested in doing graduate work at San Jose State University Extended Studies because of the way the off campus MBA/MSE System Engineering Dual Degree has distinguished itself with respect to mastery implementation of the business and engineering approach in Silicon Valley. I feel strongly that with the resources and advanced technological equipment available, I can contribute to expanding my knowledge of understanding system engineering through the program's efficient design and business coloration. I am a strong and dedicated woman, and I look forward to the challenges of graduate school. I want to thank you for your consideration of my application.

lfandronic

Oct 23, 2012

Undergraduate / Money is what matters to me- Stanford app [4]

I want to read more about your experience and how it changed you to become a better person. But the way to do that without making people feel sorry for you is to change your first paragraph. Since golf is really important to you, you may begin the paragraph describing your passion, and then ease into relating how your passion was placed on hold due to the financial situation you experienced due to your mom's job loss. At this point state the importance of money and how you were able to continue your golf interest (if that is true) or how it made you realize the path you wanted to take in life. It is a challenging topic to write on, however, with more effort and diligence, you will succeed in writing a very impressive essay. It would be great if you can incorporate some current world issues in order to support your argument (may be more challenging to do).

lfandronic

Oct 23, 2012

Graduate / 'engineering models' - Application Essay to MBA/MSE System Engineering Dual Program. [4]

Hello again,

I have wrote the entire essay because I did not feel it address the business aspect of the graduate program. Below is a revised essay! Please help! It is only 507 words, only 7 words to cut out. thank you!

I was always interested in finding out how the design of physical and mechanical systems is evaluated and brought to completion. The Mechanical and Biomedical Engineering courses - Dynamic and Static Interactions, Engineering Design Project, Integration of System Engineering - provided me with the first glimpse into the processes and interactions occurring in manufacturing a cost-efficient project. The two quarters I spend designing a new creepster crawler for Easter Seals Physiological Therapy Center gave me a chance to apply and further understand the concepts presents in these classes. It was exiting to see how the calculations and implementations my team and I made provided a valuable device in the aid of helping neuro-motor impairments become mobile at an early stage of their lives. What I enjoy most about the developing and implementing world is being the agent of change. Entering a project with the specific charge of solving business problems through the application of technologies is both challenging and rewarding. I enjoy the process from beginning to end, from diagnosing the issue to overseeing the implementation of my suggestions, and finally hearing reports of the positive results of my contributions. Later in my career, I hope to use the many lessons consulting has to offer to start a venture of my own. This experience made me wanted to know and understand more about how models work and altered to meet the client's specifications and demands. Hence I want to study towards masters in MBA/MSE System Engineering Dual Degree at San Jose State University which is a great fit for me.

Recently, I began a transition away from the predominantly technical roles I've longed in the past to the business side of the technology sector. Strategy definition, business analysis, and client interaction were all aspects of business for which I am working, but they have never been my primary focus. Nevertheless, I began to recognize that these non-technical disciplines both appealed to my interests and engaged a variety of my strengths, from interpersonal skills to problem-solving capabilities. Moreover, my experience at Abaxis Inc. has shown me that I have valuable business instincts. But these skills require the refinement and development that an MBA program can provide, and combined with my in-depth technical knowledge, they will propel my career to new heights. Specifically, I have decided to pursue a future in business focusing on technology-related engagements.

Patient and hard working, I am also extremely dedicated to my goal of playing a meaningful part in the struggle for planning proper and successful implementation of engineering models. I am also very strong in time management and prioritizing, which helps me to achieve what I aim to do. I feel strongly that the greatest contribution I can make is to participate in the ongoing quest for more innovative ways to address the interdisciplinary fields of engineering along side of cost-effective models. I have faith that advancements in the fields of System Engineering and Business will offer a new understanding of the correlation between favorable changes for the companies within the Silicon Valley area.

lfandronic

Oct 28, 2012

Graduate / personal statement describing my future career plans [3]

There is a good idea with your overall goal, however the way you express it in writing is lacking basic English grammar and flow. Feels like an outline much more than an actual personal statement. I would recommend for you to develop your ideas. Talk more about the materials imported from other countries; what materials were they? how long were this materials imported from foreign countries (maybe it was beneficial in the beginning, but not anymore)? Go a bit into more specifics on how your experience at your dad's company (add the name of the company as well). Persuade the reader of why this is your dream.

Hope this helps! let me know.

lfandronic

Oct 28, 2012

Graduate / How to explain 2 years (or is it 1 year?) of gap in Statement of Purpose? [6]

Hello,

Uf, this is a difficult situation to be in. However, here are my thoughts on it - may be too far fetch...

So while you are home studying, did you have a specific goal why you were studying? did you study to take a test? retake a class? did you take any community classes? or online? did you have an internship? did you try to apply for jobs but nothing fit with your goals? did you volunteer anywhere? internship? - reflect on these, and write down some important things that you believe brought you to today.

Also, how come you have decided to go back to school now? what changed your life? Why now? Why master? Have you completed the test requirement with high scores and that is the reason why you staid home? during your undergrad, have you worked/intern?

I believe these are just a few questions that you should answer in order to begin explaining your 1-2 years of gap.

Good luck,

lfandronic

Oct 29, 2012

Graduate / How to explain 2 years (or is it 1 year?) of gap in Statement of Purpose? [6]

Hello again,

Well seems that you have it figured it out. I would not emphasize on the gap at all. Just briefly mention your desire for aero eng. Good luck with the test, GRE was difficult due to the amount of vocab you have to learn.

Good luck!