Undergraduate / USC transfer essay ("Welcome back") [7]

In my opinion, why don't you be more specific? For example, focus on your major. You really have passion for school, but is that Education major? As you know, some of the majors are very competitive in which USC has to consider seriously and harshly. Or maybe with the other prompts , they would ask you about this.

Everybody wants to have a decent education regardless of race, religion, wealth and country but what will set you apart from another applicant is your passion >> endeavor >> personal growth >> future ( what you will do ). I think you could extend the future based on your personal growth a little.

Your essay is a good story which meets the demand of detail.

One more thing, I also do not know how to fix it but your essay sounds a regret for you due to a gap of education. I mean , it could be better if you add something that will make readers excited and enthusiastic instead of just your great great effort ! I think the admission officers have read hundreds of these kinds of essays.

Undergraduate / about the additional information (practice my Chinese penmanship) [3]

" In recent summer vacation " >> In the recent summer vacation

" what the most I did is to practice " ( that sounds awkward ) >> I diligently practiced ... for the most of my time

" two hours' practice " >> two-hour practice

" Every time I have a bad mood, I grab my ink brush to write something down, and after that, I can always feel a little bit comfortable " >> you should split this sentence.

" I like to help others every time when I have spare time " ( sounds sloppy ) >> I like to help others when I have spare time

" ; especially I like to help elderly people " ( you again should spit this long sentence ) otherwise, >> especially elderly people

" I always volunteered " >> I volunteered

" Many of the elderly there did not have any families, sometimes I would make their day by just talking to them " ( again spit it up unless you connect two clauses with appropriate conjunctions )

Your consecutive sentences are the same. Check it.

That's my suggestion .
Good luck!