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Posts by nilycul
Joined: Oct 28, 2012
Last Post: Oct 28, 2012
Threads: 1
Posts: 3  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 4
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nilycul   
Oct 28, 2012
Undergraduate / 'The sheer amount of complications' - CORNELL School of Engineering Supplement [4]

Would anyone be willing to proofread my Cornell Supplement? ANY CRITIQUES ARE WELCOMED!!
Prompt: Tell us about an engineering idea you have or your interest in engineering. Explain how Cornell Engineering can help you further explore this idea or interest.

It is not the stars that dominate the night sky in New York City, but the planes that are admired from afar. Every so often when I need a break, I would step out of my house and tilt my head up upwards, gazing into the vast openness. My eyes would follow an aircraft trailing across the sky until I could no longer see it. This fascination had inspired me to enroll in an Aerospace Engineering course in my high school. One of our major projects was to create a glider from scratch with only one purpose: to achieve the greatest distance. The class was split up into groups of five and we all had the same amount of resources to work with.

Being overwhelmed by the sheer amount of complications that came with the project, one of my classmates asked my teacher for a detailed explanation on what to do. My teacher replied with the words that still inspires me to this day. "The things worth doing in life," he says, "comes with no instructions because it has never been done before." This project not only made me realize my passion for engineering, but also allowed me to appreciate collaborative effort: something that is strongly emphasized at Cornell.

An Engineering education at Cornell University will not only prepare me for the path of being an engineer, but most importantly, will teach me how to think like an engineer. Being able to utilize the vast amount of knowledge that I will acquire at Cornell University will allow me to contribute back to my community regardless of what profession I end up specializing in. Since students are required to take an Introduction to Engineering course in their freshman year, I will be able to fully explore my interests before deciding upon a major. My group designed the glider, made a prototype, and constructed the actual design. The Project Teams program, especially the Cornell Design Build Fly team, captures my attention because it will allow me to see a design go into production and experience engineering first hand- something that I became quite fond of after my glider project. Being able to participate in hands-on activities enthralls me. The extensive co-op opportunity available at Cornell University will provide me with opportunities that other institutions lack and I will be able to incorporate my classroom knowledge to real-world engineering situations. The mindset that my teacher has relentlessly drilled into me in doing something that has never been done before will prove me to be a well candidate for Cornell University. Like my glider, I am determined to get far. Cornell has the resources to allow my glider to achieve its purpose and soar out over the beautiful hills of Ithaca.
nilycul   
Oct 28, 2012
Undergraduate / 'studying the origins of the universe' - Boston University Supplement [3]

Paul Revere's*
Advice: This seems like an essay that anyone can write by looking at the web site. Perhaps include why you are interested, and personalize your essay a bit. Show your character in this essay. Why should BU accept you over other students?

Would you help me proofread my essay too? :)
nilycul   
Oct 28, 2012
Undergraduate / University of Florida Essay - Proofread and advice? [2]

saying I cried very little Recalled that I cried very little*
"As my freshman year..." put this sentence before "When I started my sophomore year.."

Eliminate "more or less my life"
it may help the it will also help*

Other that, a solid essay.
Would you care to correct and critique mine as well?
nilycul   
Oct 28, 2012
Undergraduate / UF Essay- "Citizen of the World" [3]

"getting an "A" in a class" this part is unnecessary
"It taught me that if I set a goal and work hard, I can achieve it. " This phrase is so common, admission officers will probably see it in over 100 essays. Reword it.

You conclusion could've been stronger by perhaps, including a little bit of what you've learned from the Haiti project. Maybe something along the lines of "one person really can make a difference"

Other than that, incredibly well written! loved your opening sentence.
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