badnerd13
Nov 3, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS ESSAY: PARENTS ARE THE BEST TEACHERS [6]
I usually try not to start sentences with 'and'
I am not great with commas, comma-splices and semi colons but I would personally chop the first two sentences up a little bit to increase the flow of reading.
Children are agile, fun-loving and sometimes mischievous. It is very essential to guide and teach them for their development. Many [many who? teachers? parents?researchers?] believe that parents are the best for teaching their children rather than academic teachers. I concur to that view, however, there are credible arguments against it.
The main argument that contravenes to the idea of parents being the more ideal educator is that academic teachers can impart knowledge scientifically and could teach a wide variety of subjects effectively. Moreover, students could develop their career and later procure an attractive job because of the relentless approach of their tutors. There are, however, good reasons to believe that the best teachers are parents.
The plausible reason behind that theory is that parents know their children personally and can reach out[?] to them more effectively than school teachers. Furthermore, children learn a great deal by observing their parents. This precocious development first starts from the child's house and is their stepping stone for later on in life. [not sure if you will need to back that with a source or example of how it is a stepping stone for later on in life]
Ironically, school teachers often finds it difficult to connect with their students individually in a classroom and thus misses out their where it could be aiding in the child's psychological and emotional development.
Another reason is that parents are good at motivating and inspiring their young ones, as when they succumb to failure it is the parent who comprehends this at first glance and helps them to overcome it. To cite an example by a veteran scientist, Julie Mathai, who has dedicated her success to her parents for motivating to pursue her career in a male chauvinistic society that oppress their womenfolk. [[so... where is the cite? is the site everything above that you wrote? or did you forget to include it? Cite is unclear, please specify what it is]]
Very interesting read, good luck!
I usually try not to start sentences with 'and'
I am not great with commas, comma-splices and semi colons but I would personally chop the first two sentences up a little bit to increase the flow of reading.
Children are agile, fun-loving and sometimes mischievous. It is very essential to guide and teach them for their development. Many [many who? teachers? parents?researchers?] believe that parents are the best for teaching their children rather than academic teachers. I concur to that view, however, there are credible arguments against it.
The main argument that contravenes to the idea of parents being the more ideal educator is that academic teachers can impart knowledge scientifically and could teach a wide variety of subjects effectively. Moreover, students could develop their career and later procure an attractive job because of the relentless approach of their tutors. There are, however, good reasons to believe that the best teachers are parents.
The plausible reason behind that theory is that parents know their children personally and can reach out[?] to them more effectively than school teachers. Furthermore, children learn a great deal by observing their parents. This precocious development first starts from the child's house and is their stepping stone for later on in life. [not sure if you will need to back that with a source or example of how it is a stepping stone for later on in life]
Ironically, school teachers often find
Another reason is that parents are good at motivating and inspiring their young ones, as when they succumb to failure it is the parent who comprehends this at first glance and helps them to overcome it. To cite an example by a veteran scientist, Julie Mathai, who has dedicated her success to her parents for motivating to pursue her career in a male chauvinistic society that oppress their womenfolk. [[so... where is the cite? is the site everything above that you wrote? or did you forget to include it? Cite is unclear, please specify what it is]]
Very interesting read, good luck!
