Undergraduate / 'makeing it to the world stage - strength' - Penn State Personal Statement [3]

Please tell us something about yourself, your experiences, or activities that you believe would reflect positively on your ability to succeed at Penn State. This is your opportunity to tell us something about yourself that is not already reflected in your application or high school record.

please i need help revising my essay.Any help will be appreciated. Thank you

It wasn't until the second semester of my junior year did my school begin to introduce sports. With this introduction, I have developed a passion for track and have aspired to make it to the world stage. My participation not only gives me a keen understanding of the importance of technique in running but also teaches me that running is not just about the simple movements of the right and left foot but about mental tenacity and perseverance.

One of my specialties is the 400m race. I see this race as a test of endurance and dedication. Above all, it is a race that exemplifies my true character. I usually run this race in 4 phases. The first three phases are the push, pace and position. These phases I run with the proper track technique. On the other hand, the last phase is the phase where I lose technique and break form. This is due to the fact that at this point, I am plunged in pain, my legs feel as though they can no longer get me to the finish line and all I'm thinking about is how long I can bear the pain. In other words, I'm at the verge of quitting. Yet I don't. This last 100m is not about how fast I am or about how strong I am rather it is about how determined I am to win that race. So I keep on pushing myself and my tenacious will to succeed always gets me to the finish line.

My involvement in this activity has influenced me to strive for success no matter how difficult it may be. I will subsequently bring with me this desire to succeed and take advantage of the opportunities at Penn state University to enrich my desire for engineering.

Undergraduate / 'crumbling desire to be an engineer' - common app essay- my choice-why i do it [NEW]

December 5, 2008 was the day I transitioned to a new environment, coming to the United States. I was a 13 year old boy with no sense of direction only that of my fathers. My father had always told me not to waste my time pursuing a career that would yield no profit, low wages and worst of all a career that would have me standing on the unemployment line. In order words, he wanted me to be a medical doctor because he believed doctors are essential in today's society, no matter the economic status... He was wrong.

I was enrolled in my zone school to join the ongoing school year. As expected, my astonishment was on how different the educational system was and how differently students acted towards their teachers. However, that certainly didn't change the outlook on my ethics and my overall attitude. I was fortunate to be in a class that I admired - math class. Surprisingly enough, it wasn't the subject that enticed me; rather it was the teacher - Mrs. Diaz. Her teaching style fundamentally enhanced my love for math and science. Every day was a surprise to me. I was always anxious to learn a new topic. She instilled in me some kind of fascination that found a way to attract me to the wonders of math and its applications in the real world. She was able to reincarnate an already existing love for math and its prominent real world application. As a teacher, she got to know her students. Thereupon, she got to know me. As I grew closer to her style of teaching, my love for engineering grew as well. Yet, despite my outright admiration and necessary knowledge about the ideas of math and its application (physics), I still shunned the notion that I should become an engineer as Ms Diaz would say.

As I moved on to high school, I found myself taking math and physics class that I subsequently didn't need. I took these classes mainly because I felt the same spark I felt in Ms Diaz's class. I felt the same excitement that drove my desire to keep taking those classes. Ultimately, I was being asked, "what do I want to do with my life?" And as I threw this question to myself, I looked back at Ms. Diaz. I looked back on how she essentially buttressed my crumbling desire to be an engineer. She, for the long run has significantly galvanized my passion for engineering but the Material focus of the messages forced upon me by the media, and unfortunately by my father has clouded my judgment on what I should really pursue...Ms Diaz, my eighth grade teacher has made me realize that I need not be conformed by what my father expects of me rather I should be concerned with what I am solely passionate about - to be an engineer. And by doing this, success would follow suit.