Undergraduate / How will your presence enrich our community? Readmission essay [2]

I had a really bad semester and I got suspended from University of Wisconsin Eau Claire for a semester. I would really like to get back to school and continue my studies. I am almost done with the online application except the last part which asks the above question. I wrote up an essay and wanted to make sure it is a good and an appealing essay. There is another part about the application that I have to explain why I failed so dont worry about that. Please review my essay and let me know what is good and what is bad. Any kinds of criticisms are appreciated.

All my life, I have had a fascination and interest in computing and technology. I have always enjoyed keeping up-to-date with the latest advances in technology and have remained amazed at the speed of computerized developments over the past few years. The curiosity stemmed from the day I used a computer for the first time. As such I decided to pursue a degree in Computer Science. On the contrary to the stereotype about computer science students having no social life and spending all of the time on a computer, I am very sociable.

Confucius once said, "How happy we are to have friends from afar!" This really expresses my attitude toward friends. I look forward to meeting people with diverse social, cultural and religious background in university; with students from many countries, UWEC will definitely provide me a great opportunity for that. On top of that, as a student from Mongolia, I am looking forward to sharing my unique cultural background with all UWEC students, as well as all the experiences that have shaped me.

I realize that my contribution to the university's community may not be grand. But for me, "Big changes begin with a small step". It's not like me to make empty promises. I am a realist and I consider ambition to be of utmost importance though I realize that it is useless without the support of hard work. I have a millions of dreams, but I am more than just a dreamer. As a person, I am caring, compassionate, understanding, dedicated, and enthusiastic. I do everything with enthusiasm because it is much rewarding when I succeed and not at all discouraging when I fail. It is quite the opposite of discouraging. It makes me want to try again and even harder until I succeed.

As a final point, I am an outgoing, ambitious, and enthusiastic Mongolian and I hope this helps you in making the decision of accepting me for readmission.

Undergraduate / circumstances that may have had an impact on your academic performance. UWreadmission [3]

I am applying online at UWEC for readmission. Is my answer any good?

Q: Tell us about your academic goals, circumstances that may have had an impact on your academic performance, and, in general, anything else you would like us to know in making an admission decision.

A: In the springs of 2012, I tool Physics 229, CS 462, CS 491, and Math 216. I failed CS 462 and Math 216. Furthermore, I did not get a satisfactory grade in CS 491. In my appeal letter, I stated that I was hired by a student organization and spent too much time working. One thing I did not mention which affected my academics the most was the news that my father had a stroke and had been hospitalized. I was afraid to mention it in the appeal letter because I thought it would only help in me getting suspended. I was emotionally withdrawn from everything because I have never received such a bad news before in my life and I did not know how to handle it. When I first got the news, I was told he had been unconscious for a day and had not awakened yet. That news hit me very hard and the thought of losing my father ran rampant through my mind and the fact that I was thousands of miles away from home did not help at all. Nothing was important other than the health of my father. I should have gone to the counseling service to get help since I have been there before and know for a fact that they are helpful but I have never received such a bad news before, I did not know what I was going through. Now the doctors say he made a full recovery and there is nothing we should worry about as long as my father keeps himself healthy.

I made a bad decision not to write about my emotional state at the time. Now that my father has recovered well, I am certain I am ready to continue my studies in a healthy emotional state.