curtdawg
Nov 23, 2012
Undergraduate / 'zero opportunity' - Issue of Importance, UT APPLICATION ESSAY [3]
She is currently stuck in a dead end job with no motivation for promotion.
It's a really good story you have here and the final two paragraphs do a good job of summing up your point in the end. However I think you should work on your transitions so they flow better. It's a little choppy. Right now they are really only held together by phrases like "Later that day," "Consequently," and "Furthermore".
She is currently stuck in a dead end job with no motivation for promotion.
It's a really good story you have here and the final two paragraphs do a good job of summing up your point in the end. However I think you should work on your transitions so they flow better. It's a little choppy. Right now they are really only held together by phrases like "Later that day," "Consequently," and "Furthermore".