Posts by kealasophia

kealasophia

Nov 23, 2012

Undergraduate / 'Just fix the world' -Brown: What would I do if I could do something without failing? [7]

Brown's supplement presents the following question: If I could do something with no risk of failing, I would...

My first initial thought was plainly "Just fix the world."
On a whim, I kept typing: "Just fix the world. Feed all who need it, give money to those who need it, ensure everyone had adequate clothing and shelter, calm the nations and call off the wars, and manifest the word "Coexist."

I only had 200 characters. I don't know, is this ridiculously cliche and cheesy? My other thought was complete a free solo, like Alex Hannould. I find it so brave to be able scale a sheer cliff without the aid of ropes and pulleys and such. Should I expand upon that, or stick with the whole "fix the world" spool?

kealasophia

Nov 24, 2012

Undergraduate / 'the cancer survivor' - How my grandmother has influenced me: Essay B [2]

Thanks for your help with my short answer for Brown! As for yours, I have a few nitpicky things to point out:

You should put "or" before "a devoted Christian" in your first sentence.
In your second sentence, a comma can be put in place of your semicolon. The two clauses flow fine and do not need such a defining pause as a semicolon suggests.

In the sentence "My grandmother the Christian is full of prayer and devotion, with church every Sunday, and bible readings every morning. " - instead of saying "with church...and bibile readings.." try saying attending instead (unless you're short on characters or something), because that, contextually, would make more sense.

Finally, try not to use contractions in an essay. While you want to sound like your normal self, this is still an important essay, and the use of contractions makes it sound a little less formal, you know?

Other than those super minor things, your essay is fabulous and touching. Best of luck to you! I truly hope you get in. :)