Writing Feedback / IELTS writing- The student behavior problem causes and solutions [6]

I'm preparing for the IELTS test. Here is the topic and my essay. Please check and correct it. And suggestions on writing skills and argument points are also welcome. Thanks very much :)

Topic: In many countries schools have severe problems with student behavior. what do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

Nowadays, student behavior problems have become increasingly common and severe in schools. Juveniles tend to be indifferent to others and lack respects. Some even develop into anti-social personalities. There are various factors that contribute to the phenomenon.

Owing to the development of mass media, youngsters today are exposed more to violent and pornographic information, which are quite improper for students. On the other hand, since parents tend to be occupied with work, they seldom supervise what their children access on the Internet or the TV. They even purchase products such as smartphones and tablets for their children to spend the leisure time, which, in fact, provide approaches to inappropriate contents, like violent computer games. Children obsessed in games can experience virtual killing and fighting, which gradually makes them irritate and readily hostile to others. Moreover, with the widespread social network websites, adolescents are accustomed to making friends on line than in reality. This leads to the alienation and the new generation turns to be less caring individuals.

Considering the causes mentioned above, the behavior issues of children can be tackled in many ways. First of all, schools should encourage parents to get more involved into children's lives, in terms of learning and playing. With more care and an improved supervision from parents, students will get less opportunities to receive the information that affect them adversely. A specific computer software should also be invented to block improper images or contents when children surf the Internet. It is also advisable that schools provide more outdoor activities to cultivate children's team spirits, respect and caring for peers, as well as decreasing the time for children to play games or Internet surfing.

To sum up, the problem of students' behavior can be addressed with the joint efforts of parents, schools and government.

Writing Feedback / IELTS-task 1: youth unemployment causes problems and measures [3]

Topic:In many countries, a large number of young people are leaving school but are unable to find jobs. What problems do you think youth unemployment causes for individuals and society as a whole? What measures should be taken to solve these problems?

Nowadays, unemployment among young men is becoming increasingly common. A multitude of youth quit schools for various reasons but cannot find suitable or satisfactory jobs. It is an urgent problem that have to be tackled. Or it will affect the individuals as well as the whole society in the long term.

There are various adverse effects that the issue may lead to. Youngsters who cannot get a decent job will probably suffer from a psychological frustration. For some of them, the self-confidence may be impaired. If they were refused by the employers for several times, they probably lose the faith for life and go astray. By which I mean, they may turn to use drugs or commit crimes to sustain their living. Even more severe consequence can be the suicide.

Moreover, for some young men who cannot work, the burden and pressure will end on their parents. Since the living expense is increasingly high, especially in big cities, the parents have to pay for their children's living and even the housing expenditure when their grown-up children cannot be economically independent.

And the youth unemployment will bring troubles to the government as well. The rise of laid-off will disappoint the citizens and disturb the social stability. The young and unemployed people will cause concerns for the students at school, who will be pessimistic about their future career prospects.

Some measures should be taken by the government to reverse this trend. First of all, the schools should adjust their curriculum to fulfill the requirements of employers. Since students regard schools as institutions where they can acquire knowledge and make them competitive in the job market, practical skills should be included in the classes of universities. Although unemployment is hardly avoidable, government is supposed to provide financial support to train the young people for getting a job.

To sum up, the unemployed young men is a social issue that should be tackled mainly by the government's efforts.