Undergraduate / My father is a photographer; Common App/Who had a significant influence [5]

Hello,
So I didn't read your essay, but my english teacher has specified that writing about your mother or father wouldn't be a terribly excellent idea for this question.

Many, MANY people write about their parents and it can get really,,, generic.
Just putting it out there.
Suggestion: Why don't you write about someone you hate? or someone who has disappointed you or something? Then you can talk about what you learned! That would definately be a fresher essay for the admissions to read!

**Just putting it out there**
Hope I was some help^^

Undergraduate / Staying in the Light; Princeton Supp; favorite quotation from an essay [2]

Hey, I think it's a good essay.

In his book Unwind, Neal Shusterman writes: "...One thing you learn when you've lived as long as I have- people aren't all good, and people aren't all bad. We move in and out of darkness and light all of our lives." We encounter those in the dark every day, even if we ourselves are in the light. It is important to stay in the light and not cross over to the dark side.

(Eyes watching. Feet moving. Heart racing.) don't put it in brackets! should be part of the paragraph.

the only thing I can think of is put it all in present tense! It gives the feel of the moment and takes the reader there.

And do more with descriptions!
Also I like how you kinda draw away from the present and reflect and then come back. that's good.
don't worry about the ending. it is a great touch!
hope this helps!
- please take a look at mine if you've got time.
good luck to you!

Undergraduate / Its Spirit. community,subject options/ NORTHWESTERN Sup;Unique qualities? [10]

Thank you, MiaB and Aurora88. I will work on those!
:D

Undergraduate / Its Spirit. community,subject options/ NORTHWESTERN Sup;Unique qualities? [10]

Northwestern sup! due tonight!!! urgent please review

Hello everyone. and HAPPY NEW YEAR.
haha.. so this is what I've come up with,,, for the sup so far. haven't answered part of the question .. but .. what do you think.. good approach or too risky?? :P

OF course:: the question::
What are the unique qualities of Northwestern - and of the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying - that make you want to attend the University? In what ways do you hope to take advantage of the qualities you have identified?

Recipe for a Big Bowl of Experience and Knowledge
List of ingredients, where to find them, and instructions:
1. A smooth base for a sense of community is vital for a Great Experience. This base is a combination of traditions like The Rock, Dance Marathon, Primal Scream, and of course, the school spirit during tournament season.

2. Take a cup of fruitful challenge of intellectual ability and pour it into the Bowl. This cup can be found in the mixture of classroom discussions, the renowned professors, and the quarter system (which allows one the ability to try out many different courses in just a year, an option I especially look forward to).

3. For a spoonful of entertainment, add the city of Chicago and the wonders it has to offer, like seasonal concerts, museums, and chance to do summer jobs and internships in professional areas.

4. To get the special flavour that the Big Bowl is known for, gracefully stir in the Weinberg College. The College will work great with the other ingredients as it would prepare me for a profession in law through its pre-professional studies. However, what's even more special about this feature is that it will give me the ability to bounce around and juggle with other subjects and be free from intently focusing on one path, one flavor. Even if I choose not to become a lawyer after graduation, I would be assured that the College has provided me with analyzing, reasoning, writing, and speaking skills that are all important for any profession.

Undergraduate / Its Spirit. community,subject options/ NORTHWESTERN Sup;Unique qualities? [10]

Haha, sorry. that. lol, that's for reviewing. :D

Undergraduate / Love animals & interested in cosmetic animal testin ; William and Mary/ Type of person [2]

I think this is a great essay!! You've answered the prompt very well.
Just one thing: I don't even think you need the first paragraph. I mean, that's basically what the question is stating right?
And it doesn't draw into your answer straight away.

So, my suggestion would be to start with the lovely, little anecdote about the eighteen dollars. That's really gripping and shows your personality well.

Otherwise, good luck!

Undergraduate / I am conflicted, curious, whimsical, and quixotic dreamer; Columbia ; Why Major ? [5]

I think you sound pretty confident throughout, your tone I mean.
And I think what CMB19932015 said would be pretty much what I'd say.
The metaphors work really well in the essay and it's very to the point.
Hope this helps^^
and please take a look at mine :D

Undergraduate / UNC Chapel Hill Comfort Food Essay - Corn [3]

I think this is a really cute and to-the-point kind of an essay. The anecdote in the beginning is great!
I would just say that maybe you'd want to tone down descriptions some and do more with the why part, if you know what I mean.

Hope that helps^^ and please take a look at mine :)

Undergraduate / 'garbage collector' - GEORGETOWN SUP/ How I describe me best [5]

Hey moon05, thanks for the comment. i worked on those and changed the ending a little. unfortunately, this happened just a few days ago so haven't been able to do much.

if you get a chance, do look over again. or anyone else too! thank so much :D
oh and the word limit is a page.

I had been nagging my mother to give the garbage collector some extra notes to collect the trash from in front of our house. We had not made the mess, but the disgusting pile destroyed the harmony of the short bushes. However, my mother simply stated, "If you want something done, then do it yourself." When I looked pleadingly at her, she added, "Anyway, these people would never understand. Whatever you do, they will continue to throw trash around."

Though upset at hearing those words, I decided that something had to be done. Anyway, doing some productive work would break the monotonicity of my holidays. So, with my sister and some gloves, we set out to clean the incredible mess.

It took the whole day to produce four, giant bags of garbage, and still, there was some left. While we worked frantically under the sun, our neighbours came and lurked around. None of them offered us any help even though it was their mess we were clearing out. They whispered amongst themselves, probably wondering why we were doing something so pointless.

Then that very night, when the electricity was out, I saw fire outside and realized they were burning the rest of the trash! I was angry and frustrated. I felt betrayed. I felt like the whole day's work was to no avail. In the end, they did just what we had avoided.

In just one day, I had learned something about my neighbours and probably many others too: they were ignorant, ignorant of our purpose for cleaning up, ignorant of how bad it was throwing garbage like that. I realized that it was up to those educated about these things to share the knowledge with others. Furthermore, that day tested my responsibility as a student, my boundaries as a dreamer, and, moreover, my benevolence as a human being. What could I do for others? How much could I dedicate myself to a selfless cause? Ultimately, something ignited in me, something that today pushes me to do something for the world.

Undergraduate / "my dream of modeling" - college admission writting--special talents, interests [5]

GEORGETOWN- SPECIAL TALENTS?

Hey,
so Georgetown gives space for some special talents. would anyone know what to put? can you be funny and creative with it? or make up impossible stuff?

thannnnks :D

like::
I can fall asleep anywhere, anytime.
I can whistle the C Major scale in my sleep.
I can watch the Big Bang Theory continuously for 24 hours.
I can wiggle my ears.
I can learn thirty dates in twelve minutes.