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Posts by ktminnieheartsa
Joined: Dec 29, 2012
Last Post: Dec 31, 2012
Threads: 2
Posts: 6  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 8
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ktminnieheartsa   
Dec 31, 2012
Undergraduate / My reality after my best friend committed suicide; Common App/ Significant Influence [18]

hmm try having a thesis. (does wonders for college essays, just saying) So that way, essay readers don't have to search for a point. You focus a lot on your friend and how he affected you, and that's fine, but wow the college readers by also mentioning how YOU can affect others, the college, and the college's community by how you grew from this experience.

all clarification has been mentioned, so I'll omit those comments
How can you employ your growth from this experience to your growth in education and employing knowledge to your life?
My reward for working through this painful process was of course more pain, sadness because I still didn't know why, but most horrifyingly, an overwhelming sense of regret because I realized that all these years, I had never told him how much he meant to me - run on. use colons, semicolons, they make you look smart :)

Busy to the point I never could even find a moment to tell him he meant the world to me - sentence fragment. yes, you could have done it on purpose, and it sounds great like this, but for college essay readers, go the safe way and make it into a complete sentence.

overall, i loved your essay... i can't remember how many times i said "i'm so jealous... wish i could write like this" or "omigod. amazing". also, heart-tugging, and tear jerking through and through. i really don't have much to correct... (your grammar seems flawless!... to me, at least) ;) good luck on your essays and hope you get accepted to the college of your desire! (plz look at my essay too! once i post it...) once again, these are my suggestions on how i think they convey your message in your essay better. If you think my suggestions hinder your essay, don't use them.
ktminnieheartsa   
Dec 31, 2012
Undergraduate / Footprints on the Sand, and a Tree; Lehigh/ Unique aspect of Leigh [4]

What unique aspect of Lehigh most interests you? (As a guideline, your response should be between 150-250 words.)

What I look for in a school is an academic and social environment that enables me to grow out towards a community and grow in depth in my knowledge and learn how to apply it to my life. As I researched about Lehigh, what struck me were the large branches that the university has, such as connections with other companies and connections outside the US like China, and their depth in education. Lehigh is like a tree. Its roots grow wide and deep, while it reaches to the sky. This is what I want my college to be like, so that I may grow in that similar fashion. I wish to attend a school that not only serves my best interest but also nurture me so I can employ my knowledge into actions, transfiguring my knowledge to wisdom. By that effect, I can aid the community and the people around me as the poet Henry Wadsworth Longfellow asserted in his poem, "A Psalm of Life".

Lives of great men all remind us
We can make our lives sublime,
And, departing, leave behind us
Footprints on the sand of time;

Footprints, that perhaps another,
Sailing o'er life's solemn main,
A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,
Seeing, shall take heart again.

So with Lehigh's unique devotion to students' connection to the world and to students' education, I hope to leave footprints in the sands of time. I'll leave behind both the same legacy as the school, and reflect the tree that Lehigh is.
ktminnieheartsa   
Dec 31, 2012
Undergraduate / Helping students to become successful in life; Lehigh / values and priorities [3]

made each other feel - change to: could make each other feel
one may say something and inadvertently hurt another's feelings - change to: students might say something and inadvertently hurt others'
I believe this is very important because it will help - change: This is very important: it will help
s; this can even be handy when students go on to job interviews as they will be able to understand what not to do, thus helping them perform better in the interview and possibly get the job. - change: , this can be handy when students go on job interviews, as they will understand what to do (find a synonym for 'what to do'), and help them perform better in interviews and possibly get the job (reword? a little awkward).

to become successful in life. - very abstract. how about: to become successful in achieving their goals.
I believe that being successful in life[ /font] - Successfully achieving goals (or something other than starting with "I believe")
will allow people - will allow students
This might just be me, but this sentence seemed irrelevant to your topic. It is also about being an all-around nice person because being nice to someone could make their day, and bring the same happiness as having a great job to both everyone.

allow them to be successful and happy in their lives. - allow them to successfully achieve their goals and be content with their results.

I liked your essay, and you make great points. I can see through your essay that you are sympathetic and your traits show through your essay! Your essay was unique in employing diversity studies. My corrections are suggestions: you can take them or leave them. If the corrections seem to hinder your essay, leave them. But I hoped I helped! Good luck on acceptance to Lehigh, (btw, i'm applying there too!) and would you mind looking at my essay pt 1 of Lehigh's supp. ?
ktminnieheartsa   
Dec 31, 2012
Undergraduate / Philosophy, pursuit of truth and wisdom / Lehigh supp/Topic of study [3]

Any feedback is welcome! I'll take a look at your essay, so please, take a look at mine.

Prompt: If you founded your own college or university, what topic of study would you make mandatory for all students to study and why? What would be the values and priorities of your institution and why?

I would make philosophy a mandatory topic of study because it is important for students to have a certain level of skepticism so that they will question "why" and pursue knowledge. Philosophy is the pursuit of truth, and wisdom, and it also emphasizes character in ethics. I want students that enrolled in my college to take philosophy because philosophy turns knowledge learned into knowledge applied and then to wisdom. It not only teaches students not to blindly accept an idea, but also discover why and how it applies. It makes students become true scholars, and innovators of the society.

The values of my college would be to seek knowledge and seek it with others for the improvement of the community and themselves. Students would benefit by learning from others, helping other students out in the effort of seeking knowledge and therefore there would be respectful to everyone. By respecting others at all times, there will be a collegian atmosphere that enables students to approach each other without fear of disparity, rejection or no trust. This value of seeking knowledge not only for themselves but also for the betterment of others and society as a whole, brings a cohesiveness that helps students in their efforts in learning.

My college's priorities would be the students' accessibility to learn. I would do the best I could to tailor my college so that students in my college may easily access a book, staff member, or any material so that they can learn to the best of their abilities. If anything, when students left my school, I would want them to leave exclaiming, "This college made the ability to access learning material easy, and taught me well, so now I want to learn about that subject even more!".
ktminnieheartsa   
Dec 31, 2012
Undergraduate / Philosophy, pursuit of truth and wisdom / Lehigh supp/Topic of study [3]

Thanks! your advice helps a lot! and yea, i knew that the whole i want students that leave to exclaim part was a bit extreme, but i wasn't quite sure how to approach it. make it more natural? and does this sound better? :because philosophy turns knowledge learned into knowledge applied. It turns knowledge learned and applied into wisdom
ktminnieheartsa   
Dec 31, 2012
Undergraduate / Achitecture/ Family/ Cultural; SYRACUSE U; Who&what influenced?; Dream person; Mission [3]

the world in the world - not sure what you mean by that, too abstract
Syracuse offers great opportunities to study globally and to experience and explore outside the city
urged me into applying
at a young age, made me realized
that I wanted to become
Despite of all the struggles I believe - change: Despite all these struggles, I believe
architecture, it requires
It was up in till my seventh grade year in middle school that I decided that architect was the career I wanted to pursue - change: Up until seventh grade year, I decided that I wanted to become an architect, and that it was the career that I wanted to pursue.

Over the years , my passion for architect out grew into a passion for interior Designer , I have always dream of becoming a successful young women - change: over the years, I outgrew my passion for architecture; instead, my passion was interior design.
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