markray1193
Jan 1, 2013
Undergraduate / 'Mother's relocation to Georgia' - Common Application Personal Statement [2]
Hey guys!
I am a honor student applying to colleges for transfer. All my applications MUST be submitted by February to be in the "safe box" for admission. As you all know, Common Application requires a person statement. Could someone please read, critique, and leave comments on my personal statement. I value each and everyone's opinion.
Personal Statement:
When most of my peers were admitted into their dream schools, I sank further into the educational wasteland of Dade County. Struggling to accept every school I applied to rejected me, I chose to fabricate a story where limited financial aid was my sole reason for not attending college. Stuck in this victim mentality that was typical of myself and high school at the time, I continued to believe no high-achieving university wanted a senior who scored roughly a 1400 on his SATs and graduated-just barely-in the lower half of his class.
My mother, despite losing her job and being homeless, inspired me through her decision to relocate us to Georgia in search of access to a better education and safer atmosphere. Though she, too, had lived as a teenager in Miami's roughest neighborhood, my mother knew there was a greater purpose to achievement than cursing out teachers, skipping classes, fighting, or having babies at the preposterous age of thirteen. For the first time, I realized it was only by choice that I was a failing product of my former environment. Suddenly surrounded by students who already ventured to find their purpose in life, academics became integral to who I was.
With a renewed purpose and vision, I tackled some of my new school's most rigorous courses, including AP Psychology and AP Environmental Science. In addition, I became heavily involved in the National Beta Club and even fulfilled a leadership role as student body president. My GPA was still not an accurate representation of my abilities as a determined and exemplary young man, so I opted for community college in order to work on my scores and accolades.
It was at community college that I learned what I had been truly missing from the start of my academic career-the humility that my mother demonstrated to me so many years before. Some would view community college as mediocre; however, retrospectively it was one of my most responsible choices. Community college gave me the final tools I needed to further my case towards aiming higher. This spring, I am graduating in the top five percent of my class, and I am thankful for Georgia's positive atmosphere and the intellectual environment.
Transferring to your university will offer me better educational and career opportunities-the exact ones I have always dreamed of, but only over time came to know, cherish, and respectfully represent. My goal is to go above and beyond in the areas of international relations. I look forward to exploring these opportunities at a level that surpasses the history of my neighborhood, my family, and myself.
Hey guys!
I am a honor student applying to colleges for transfer. All my applications MUST be submitted by February to be in the "safe box" for admission. As you all know, Common Application requires a person statement. Could someone please read, critique, and leave comments on my personal statement. I value each and everyone's opinion.
Personal Statement:
When most of my peers were admitted into their dream schools, I sank further into the educational wasteland of Dade County. Struggling to accept every school I applied to rejected me, I chose to fabricate a story where limited financial aid was my sole reason for not attending college. Stuck in this victim mentality that was typical of myself and high school at the time, I continued to believe no high-achieving university wanted a senior who scored roughly a 1400 on his SATs and graduated-just barely-in the lower half of his class.
My mother, despite losing her job and being homeless, inspired me through her decision to relocate us to Georgia in search of access to a better education and safer atmosphere. Though she, too, had lived as a teenager in Miami's roughest neighborhood, my mother knew there was a greater purpose to achievement than cursing out teachers, skipping classes, fighting, or having babies at the preposterous age of thirteen. For the first time, I realized it was only by choice that I was a failing product of my former environment. Suddenly surrounded by students who already ventured to find their purpose in life, academics became integral to who I was.
With a renewed purpose and vision, I tackled some of my new school's most rigorous courses, including AP Psychology and AP Environmental Science. In addition, I became heavily involved in the National Beta Club and even fulfilled a leadership role as student body president. My GPA was still not an accurate representation of my abilities as a determined and exemplary young man, so I opted for community college in order to work on my scores and accolades.
It was at community college that I learned what I had been truly missing from the start of my academic career-the humility that my mother demonstrated to me so many years before. Some would view community college as mediocre; however, retrospectively it was one of my most responsible choices. Community college gave me the final tools I needed to further my case towards aiming higher. This spring, I am graduating in the top five percent of my class, and I am thankful for Georgia's positive atmosphere and the intellectual environment.
Transferring to your university will offer me better educational and career opportunities-the exact ones I have always dreamed of, but only over time came to know, cherish, and respectfully represent. My goal is to go above and beyond in the areas of international relations. I look forward to exploring these opportunities at a level that surpasses the history of my neighborhood, my family, and myself.