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Posts by Aquile
Joined: Jan 11, 2013
Last Post: Jan 11, 2013
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Aquile   
Jan 11, 2013
Undergraduate / Public speaking/ California; Moment of success/ Neighborhood [3]

Prompt: Describe a moment when you felt successful, overwhelmed, or challenged, and how you handled it

Being introverted in nature, I principally shied away from social activities and public gatherings, especially those which necessitated me to stand out in a crowd. Thus, I spent most of my conscious life keeping to myself, and making few (but great) friends.

Unfortunately the universe has a fun habit of conspiring against the desires of most people. In my case, I was selected to have a major speaking part in an annual school play. The previous year I was a background character with nothing more to my name than one sentence, and a short one at that. Even with the small burden, I was extremely nervous and worried. So naturally my teacher decided to give me one of the more major parts.

When she first announced it, I was fairly worried, and very daunting. To my more extroverted peers it was a revered position. After all, I was introduced to the stage via a portable, golden throne carried by four of my classmates. During rehearsals I it wasn't the most intimidating thing, other than the fear of toppling over and being crushed to oblivion by a spray-painted piece of wood. Just afore the actual performance, seeing all the people there, it was really quite frightful.

The day of the performance, I was more nervous than I could ever remember in my life. One of my best friends, similarly introverted like me, was called to the stage a few scenes from me. Much to my amazement (and his as he later disclosed) he was perfect. When he came back, behind the scene he told me that he was as shocked as I was, and helped embolden me for my scene. He helped me overcome my mental struggle. After all, if he could conquer his fear, why can't I?

And when my scene came I, while not as good as he, did better than I did at the rehearsals. In my eyes, it was a monumental success. The moral of this story? Steel yourself and whatever the challenge, small or large, it'll be all right.

(2nd essay) Prompt: Tell us about your neighborhood, and how it has shaped you

For the most of my cognizant life, I've lived in a diverse neighborhood in California. While I don't live there now, memories of it are heavily imprinted in my mind. I think back to how amiable everyone was, how close we were. I think about the police officer that lived next to me, and how every Halloween his son would dress as a jail broken convict, or the weather forecaster across the street who wrote for the local newspaper. All these people and experiences add up to whom I am, and ultimately, who I am going to be.

The school I went to had a broad spectrum of ideological, racial, and class diversity. It was an amazing environment for me to know that the girl sitting next to me immigrated form Pakistan and that the boy to the right of me spoke Spanish with as much fluency as he did English. I would like to think that I grew up fairly open minded due to this.

One of the most traumatic moment in my childhood, was when my mom fainted due to an anxiety attack, about a week after we moved in. At the time, my mother and I were home alone. She was on the phone, hung up, and then she collapsed. In a state of panic, I called 911, and medics arrived almost immediately. My neighbor offered me to stay in their house until my dad arrived, and I accepted.

At the time, I never thought much of it, perhaps due to my age or emotional instability. But when I reflected on it afterwards, it was an amazing act of kindness. We only moved in for a week, and they had activities that day that they canceled because of me. Much of my philosophies on people in general were shaped by them. I believe that everyone, from every quarter of the world, every upbringing, in any situation, wants most of all, to help. To further mankind, to add more to society than to detract.
Aquile   
Jan 11, 2013
Writing Feedback / Laughter is the best medicine. Keeping everyone's happy makes us happy too [4]

There are diverse groups of humans in earth. All of the beings have diffferent quality (sounds a little weird to me, not quite sure what to do without changing the structure too much). Some are reserved whereas others are expressive.Some might be sentimental type whereas others might be full of humor . As life is too short to be sad and serious, I (you forgot to capitalize) think a good sense of humor is one of the most important human qualities because it makes people around you happy and helps to move forward.

People need to act according to different circumstances. Some people always appear to be gloomy making people around them sad too.Every one wants to be around happy people and around people who have good sense of humor.For instance,I once (switched the words to make it sounds more natural) went on a tour to Muktinath. On the way the bus suddenly stopped and the driver told us that he need to repair it and it might take a day.I was already bored as it was a long journey and on the top of it I had to wait for another day.T hen there was a man who started talking to me and I found him quite interesting.H e had a good sense of humor and I even didn' t know how the time passed. S o a person with a good sense of humor can make other people happy. F urthermore, it'll also help us to move forward. I t's helpful (only one "l") in different steps like during a job interview, the interviewer might get interested because of good sense of humor.T he person can also deal gleefully with the customers and make them happy and thus flourish the business.E ven in medical field, it is required to deal with patient without being rude. M oreover it is most for teachers. M ost of the students get bored attending an hour of lecture, so a teacher with good sense of humor can get attention of the student by saying jokes relevant to subject. T he teacher might be the best one for the student (odd phrasing here too).

T o sum up, laughter is the best medicine. K eeping everyone happy makes us happy too. S mile and let other person smile.

Not bad, but you really have to watch out for capitalization, and grammar in general. Some of the sentences were oddly phrased, but still conveyed the message. Good job though!
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