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Posts by Abidemi
Joined: Feb 1, 2013
Last Post: Feb 1, 2013
Threads: 1
Posts: 2  

Displayed posts: 3
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Abidemi   
Feb 1, 2013
Undergraduate / I am interested in people,new cultues & new things; Rutgers U- Vibrant community [2]

PLEASE!! i would like someone to review my essay and tell me what i am missing or what i should add and so on. I am freaking out about this! Please i need help!

My name is Abidemi Omolola Olaoye. I have a gregarious personality, I am interested in people, cultural differences and things i am not used to basically. However, being the last born of my family, I was somewhat restricted and never really had the chance to spread my wings. This is why I'm presently restricted to schooling in New Jersey where my uncle can look after me as he is based there. It actually really annoys me that I have to be sheltered so much but I decided to make the best of my situation by choosing a school that can bring excitement and diversity to me. Rutgers University is a perfect realization of that diversity that I am seeking for.

I come from a country where most people are black. I only know about my culture and very little about others. The few foreign people I have seen are the Chinese, Lebanese and

Americans. As someone who is interested in culture, I want a school that exposes me to various ethnicities and I am aware that Rutgers has been ranked first in the United States in the category of ethnic diversity. I would love to learn from people and also hopefully give back various things about our different cultures. Since I love being around people, I would really benefit from the programs that bring people together such as the Homecoming weekend, first year focus and so on. I am also an avid lover of music, dance and drama. In high school, I was in the music, dance and drama group all at once and these are things I would love to continue to participate in. Rutgers I believe is a school that believes in the saying "All work and no play makes jack a dull boy". Your school has made it possible for me to learn, help others and have fun at the same time by organizing road trips, concert series, cultural events, charity dance marathons, stop hungers projects and more. I love helping people and see their problems as my own, so I find it easy to participate in such programs and help out in whatever way I can. I also believe in saving the earth and I am glad Rutgers celebrates earth day and promotes tree planting and recycling.

At 6 feet and 2 inches, I would love to join the basketball team and hopefully win medals and trophies for the school. I have no history in this as my high school did not have a basketball team but I am open to learning. With all these, I really hope you see all that I am willing to give and take and how eager I am to be a part of your school and its goal towards success. In a few years, I want to be able to say that I was a proud student of Rutgers University.
Abidemi   
Feb 1, 2013
Writing Feedback / (IELTS ESSAY) effect of mobile phones on young children. [12]

i think you should elaborate more on the points you give. You sort of just cramped everything up and made it brief. talk about how it can be a distraction from school work. Students spend time chatting or playing games instead of reading. Talk about how it could save lives. A person in a compromising situation could call 911 for assistance.

Parents could also use it to monitor their children and know their whereabouts.

Please, someone should also assist me. i just posted something.
Abidemi   
Feb 1, 2013
Essays / Happiness is seen in a person's face! [3]

Happiness is a kind of expression which is seen in a person's face

i do not know what you want us to do exactly. You did not explain what we are supposed to be talking about.. Are you just supposed to explain happiness?
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