Undergraduate / UT Austin issue of importance! Taking a Stand: Activism. [6]

I'm stressing myself out right now because I need to send my application in, but I don't feel my essay is good enough. I've been checking out a few others and I don't think I'm addressing my issue correctly. Should I have a story in there? I need feedback asap about what to change or any comments at all. Thank you!

keep in mind it isn't done and they are just ideas thrown in there

Taking a Stand: Activism

Our nation today suffers from various issues from the economy to pollution. While these issues may seem disturbing because of how deeply the United States has fallen, the lack of people in communities around the world whom bestow attention on becoming active is just as disturbing. Some people may misconceive the ideas of activism, and feel that they are only riots, acts of violence, or rebellion even though they have never experienced it, but it is much more than these stereotypical perceptions. Famous people such as Gandhi, Ralph Nader, and Mother Teresa were all activist whose intentions revolved around peace and the

betterment of people. I was deeply inspired by a quote of an unknown activist who stated "One can imagine a sane, healthy, cheerful human society based on no more than the principals of common sense, as validated each day by work, play, and living experience. But this remains the most Utopian and fantastic of ideals." If more people could realize that they are the ones who can hold the power of possibly seeing a social, environmental, or political

change, it may become a reality.

It is our generation that will determine the future, whether it may become worse, or may be given the chance to become more understanding, peaceful, and collaborative. The decision relies on us. It is also our generation who obtains the responsibility to create change for ourselves, future children (if any), and everyone else. With the exception of various activists in our nation today, I feel the majority of the country wastes time complaining about the many defects in our world today instead of coming together and doing something about it. I do bestow eminence on those who are contributing and giving back to the world by speaking out and taking action. I feel it is important to get involved with all types of activism. Everyone is capable of contributing by using their depth of knowledge, creativity, and organizational abilities.

Hopefully the apathy and ignorance of the world will lessen, and in turn will
be replaced with concern and support.

And I'm also really unsure about what exactly is supposed to be included in the statement of purpose?

Writing Feedback / "Unexpected Change" essay [6]

Can someone just look this over real quick and give me some feedback please?

Upon entering high school, I began to notice an unexpected change with my body physically, and a depletion of energy that began affecting me dramatically. I was gaining weight and I constantly felt tired when I woke up, during class, and as soon as I got home. It never crossed my mind though, that my eating habits were considered "unhealthy". I went for a check-up with my pediatrician who familiarized me with the fact that my blood sugar levels and cholesterol had risen just above its normal rates. With my family history running through the back of my mind, I was already aware of where this was headed. As a young girl, I watched my all the elders in my family go in and out of hospitals, constantly having to extract blood to make sure their blood and sugar levels weren't getting too out of hand. From my grandparents, to all of their children, including my mother, they were all diagnosed with diabetes. When my doctor informed me I was going in the same direction, I was shocked because I thought diabetes could only affect older people. I was also informed that factors such as family history and physical inactivity can result in diabetes, as well as high blood glucose, high blood pressure, unhealthy cholesterol levels, and obesity. It turned out diabetes affects nearly 2 million people under the age of 45 which sets the stage for heart disease or a stroke. This is why I want to stress the importance of a one's health.

Diabetes isn't the only health issue our generation should be apprehensive about. America today according to the American Public Health Association, and compared to other developed nations, experiences rates much higher in infant mortality, obesity, HIV/AIDS, and also has a shorter life expectancy. When I found out I was most likely going to be diagnosed with diabetes if I did not change my eating habits, I immediately took action. I began exercising everyday and decreased my caloric, fat, and sugar intake and gradually decreased them even more as the months passed. Unintentionally, I became obsessed with the weight I was losing and my appearance. Although I had strayed away from diabetes, I not only lost too much weight, but diagnosed myself with amenorrhea, a leading cause of osteoporosis. I could not understand why everyone would say I was "too skinny" or that I was "about to disappear". I couldn't understand why it even mattered to them. After visiting the doctor, I was told I had to gain a few pounds so that I would be considered "healthy" again. After finally realizing the stress I had put my body through, I knew I had to inform others about their health. I gathered a few friends and other students together to talk about certain health issues. I shared with them my experience, and how being overweight and underweight could be dangerous. I gave them the facts and information I had gathered about various health issues and how they may be avoided. Many people still confront me about their health issues and I am always more than happy to give them advice on with whom they should refer to or about any information I may have.

With health insurance being a bit costly, and being unaffordable to some, not everyone is able to pay annual visits to the doctor, or pay for certain surgeries and medicines they may need to get well. If more people were informed about their health and prevention, perhaps most of these surgeries and medicines may not be of need. Nutritionists, Dieticians, and other health related professions, which I plan to pursue, will make a great lasting contribution to the overall health of America.