Dissertations / Advice on My Thesis Statement about Stem Cells [4]

I have a question. If I modify it, do I have cite you? Otherwise, it does give me ideas!

Undergraduate / Knowledge, responsibility, respect, passion & a desire makes good Physician Assistant [4]

I can definitely feel the passion you have in your essay because I also want to go into medicine. The essay is very remarkable and I have only two suggestions.

My first suggestion is the last sentence. "although sometimes you cannot explain why you have a dream; you just have it and always will" is a very powerful conclusion, but I am not a big fan of stating I have shown reasons. The last sentence could look something on the lines of My passion has brightly shown throughout this essay and although sometimes you cannot explain why you have a dream; you just have it and always will.

My second suggestion is "This willingness and desire to serve others is a major component of why I am driven to become a physician assistant" could potentially be your topic sentence for the second paragraph. It is your choice, I felt that the sentence really highlighted the main idea of the paragraph.

It's not much, but I hope my suggestions give you some ideas.
Good Luck!