Knowledge, responsibility, respect, passion & a desire makes good Physician Assistant

The car reluctantly slows to a stop as I pull myself out of the back seat slunch I was previously positioned in. Ahead I see a scene of panic on the road. One car is hanging into a woody ditch and the other smoking on the road. Without thinking, I wrench myself out of the back seat of my mother's tiny two-door car and run towards the closest wreck. A man franticly hovers by the smoking metal unsure of what to do. I step in and assess the driver's condition. It's a woman in her mid-50's who is conscious and functioning. I check her vital signs..."Good." No neck or back pain or extreme pupil dilatation..."Good again" I sigh. I examine the rest of her body before I let her move. She has a lesion on her head with a large amount of superficial bleeding. I quickly take off my pink jacket and use it to apply pressure on her wound. I had to stop the bleeding. I stay until she is taken away. Covered in the woman's blood and in a haze, I slowly walk into the middle of the road unsure of what is still happening. I return to my mom's car and we go back on our way to get dinner as once planned. I sat back into my seat and thought about what had just happened. I realize that I had felt so alive in those moments and I know now, even more so than I did before, "this was what I am supposed to do."

I have had a passion for biology and medicine my whole life. Since the beginning of high school, I have worked in the medical field and enjoyed every second of it. From this real world experience, my love of biology in school was solidified. While working at physical therapy offices, I was able to interact with patients and had the privilege of developing a relationship with each unique individual I aided. I learned numerous invaluable lessons from these patients and I am eager to learn more from each patient I hope to serve. This willingness and desire to serve others is a major component of why I am driven to become a physician assistant. I have taken several mission trips to Mexico to help those in need. There, we helped build a soup kitchen for the children and families of a small town. The joy and relationships I gained from these trips will stay with me forever. Each day I strive to help others and employ what I have learned from these experiences.

I enjoy challenging myself as a person. This need for a challenge is a factor in why I transferred from Towson University to St. Mary's College of Maryland. In my year at Towson I learned a great deal about myself. However, I was looking for more of an academic challenge, which I found at St. Mary's Honors College. At St. Mary's, I have accumulated various responsibilities and experiences as a student in rigorous courses, a health club member and executive, an independent researcher, a member of honors societies, and as a part of the school community. These experiences have prepared me for whatever endeavors may lie ahead.

I have no incredibly compelling or colossal stories of outstanding life events that make up who I am; however, what constructs the story of my life is in the small triumphs I have every day. Every day, I work with patients or give my absolute best in class. Every day, I try to help anyone in need. Every day, I gain more of an appreciation for biology and medicine. Every day, I grow and learn to become a better person. Every day, I give everything I have to achieve my dream of becoming a physician assistant. I have given numerous reasons why I desire to become a physician assistant, although sometimes you cannot explain why you have a dream; you just have it and always will.

Grammar-wise, I have few issues. You're a very good writer. As for content, I know that you don't think your life is incredibly compelling, but don't use that as an excuse to write a vague or generic essay. You're trying to emphasize how much you want to be a physician's assistant, but you come across as a little fake because I don't really learn anything about your personality or your life from your statement.

You said yourself that a lot of people will write about their willingness to help others, and they'll also write about a passion for learning and a willingness to take on challenges. Expand on your unique talents, beliefs, experiences. Write about what you did in Mexico, or the kinds of patients you've met in your jobs, and how those experiences taught you something that you will use in a career. Tell me why you want to become a physician's assistant of all things, how you found out about that career and fell in love with it. Tell readers the story of you!

say: these things "topped my list, and I believe I have these qualities." Flowing language is nice, but sometimes it's flowing... without end. Shorten that down.

I'm not going to read the whole thing because I can see you've merely dressed up things on a resume, and I can't learn anything about you besides your writing skills... I'm seriously assuming you included a detailed resume in your application materials, because you should have, and all these points should be on that.

This is your personal statement, in lieu of a face to face conference, this is it. Your last chance. You're telling me why you want to be a P.A. with general points. You need to give us something specific, with your reflection on it. I don't know any more about you than a detailed resume.

Pick an event, something definitive, and use that to tell us why you are interested in medicine and helping others. You've demonstrated you "are" helping people... not "why" you want to... or "why" you want to help people more by becoming a P.A.

I know that there may not be a single experience that brings across all the qualities you wish to put out... I'm not telling you to lie, I'm suggesting you can creatively reflect on a true situation. How you personally reflect on a situation is just as important as how you handled that situation. So, tell me again. Why do you want to become a physician assistant?

I can definitely feel the passion you have in your essay because I also want to go into medicine. The essay is very remarkable and I have only two suggestions.

My first suggestion is the last sentence. "although sometimes you cannot explain why you have a dream; you just have it and always will" is a very powerful conclusion, but I am not a big fan of stating I have shown reasons. The last sentence could look something on the lines of My passion has brightly shown throughout this essay and although sometimes you cannot explain why you have a dream; you just have it and always will.

My second suggestion is "This willingness and desire to serve others is a major component of why I am driven to become a physician assistant" could potentially be your topic sentence for the second paragraph. It is your choice, I felt that the sentence really highlighted the main idea of the paragraph.

It's not much, but I hope my suggestions give you some ideas.
Good Luck!