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Posts by bloodkid
Joined: May 4, 2013
Last Post: Dec 15, 2013
Threads: 2
Posts: 3  
From: Viet Nam

Displayed posts: 5
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bloodkid   
May 4, 2013
Writing Feedback / Child labor - Advantages vs disadvantages [2]

In the first sentence, you said:" The employment, in recent years, has been changing and becoming more sensitive". In my opinion, you should say " In recent years, the employment has been .... sensitive". It will make the sentence more clearly. Another thing, in the third paragraph, you say "firstly", so where is the secondly, thirdly or finally.

P/s: Just my opinion, so it may be wrong in somewhere. Have a good night!!!
bloodkid   
Nov 28, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS-Line graph ( The rate of smoking in Someland - men and women) [4]

The line graph illustrates the number of men and women who smoke in Someland between 1960 and 2000. Overall, both the number of male and female smokers declined over a 40 year period.

To begin with, in 1960 there were 600 people who smoked were men, while the number of female smoker were significantly lower than male by 510 people. During the first 15 years, male smokers went down slightly about 500 people. In contrast, there was a steady increase in the number of women who smoked from around 90 people to a peak of 310 people between 1960 and 1975, despite the stabilization in the middle. For the next 15 years, people probably had more knowledge about the negative impacts of cigarette, so both the number of male and female smokers decreased, but male smokers dropped consistently by 180 people, whereas there was a gradual fall in the number of smokers who were women under 300 people. From 1990 to 2000, not only male smokers but also female smokers declined marginally by nearly 100 people.

In conclusion, it is clear to see that although the number of men who smoked had been dropped dramatically, it was still higher than female smokers.

Please send me the feedback soon as possible. Thank you. :)



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bloodkid   
Dec 15, 2013
Scholarship / Struggling for a better tomorrow. [3]

In my opinion, this essay is really perfect. All ideas are clear and easy for me to follow it. But I think it has a little bit unclear idea at here.

My parents wasted little to no time in getting my brother and I enrolled in school to start as soon as possible.

I can not understand what you mean.
bloodkid   
Dec 15, 2013
Writing Feedback / Overpopulation; Major effects and Possible solutions [2]

Overpopulation - Effects and Solutions



Overpopulation or the increase of population without controlling is one of the most significant issues in many countries. It has existed at all level of society and can have a negative impact upon individuals, communities and governments. This essay will discuss some major effects and present some possible solutions for overpopulation.

To begin with, one main effect of overpopulation is that the number of people who do not have job may increase dramatically. Because of too many people, companies can not take every people to work for them. They just only can take the people who are very excellent and eliminate the people who have a normal or low quality. Therefore, this will lead to unemployment. In fact, China is one of the most countries which has a high number of jobless people because of overpopulation.

A second major effect which results from overpopulation is lack of land. Too many people live in one place so there may be no more land for everybody to live. The cost of land is rising every day so some people have to live under the bridge or dirty place which can be harmful for their health. For example, in Vietnam some families live next to polluted river because they do not have enough money to buy a land.

The first solution to solve overpopulation is that the government should give the family planning to every places in the country, especially remote areas. In some places in high mountain, ethnic minorities do not have much knowledge about overpopulation. But if the government gives the family planning to them, they will know the disadvantages of overpopulation, so they can avoid it. For instance, in nearly five years, because of having good family planning , some ethnic minorities in Vietnam have decreased the number of people in family to 2 people instead of 10 people like before.

Another solution for overpopulation is limiting the migration to cities. More people want to move from rural area to urban area because of job opportunities and better services. Thus, the only way to prevent migration is that companies should create jobs for people who live in countryside and the government should also make better services by building more hospitals or schools. Therefore, people may stop moving to the city.

In conclusion, two effects result from overpopulation is the unemployment and lack of land. On the other hand, the government should make a better family planning and limit the migration to cities to reduce the overpopulation.

Please give the feedback for me as soon as possible because I will have a test about causes, effects and solutions essay on Tuesday. Thanks!!! :)
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