Posts by saphiresong

saphiresong

Sep 21, 2013

Writing Feedback / IELTS; The subjects that children are taught in schools are decided by central authorities [5]

but some people blame teachers should be responsible instead of politicians

Maybe you mean "but some people argue that teachers, not politicians, should be responsible"?

There is no doubt, the job of the teacher is to deliver good teaching

I feel like "there is no doubt that the job..." sounds smoother. Also, maybe replace the word "good" with something like "adequate" or "excellent". (try a thesaurus.)

They can also decide too much variation in the stands and qualification.

Sentence seems too short compared to the other sentences. Merge with previous one.

While Some people argue

You capitalized "some"? lol. Also in that sentence you should put a comma, not a period.

Instead of "But it is true" try "regardless"

saphiresong

Sep 21, 2013

Speeches / Don't Quit School - Statistics speech [2]

I need to be able to say this, so making it sound as smooth as possible is critical! Thank you in advance!
Essay:

School. It is the place where the world's future leaders and problem solvers are nurtured. School is where a family doctor first learned her multiplication, where that company's accountant first learned to read a book. School, where a child learned the essential academic skills needed for success.

There are 74.1 million students in school in the United States. 14.8 million in high school, and 35 million attending elementary schools. Unfortunately for these children, a third of high school students who drop out from school leave in their first year of high school. A quarter of high school students are either held back, or don't graduate at all.

It's obvious that a child will miss many opportunities in his or her life by leaving school. But how does a high school drop out affect the bigger picture?

There are 11.7 million unemployed Americans, yet 3.8 million job vacancies. Why? School. 49% of employers have said that it was getting difficult to hire people with the necessary skills. By the next 10 years, 77% of American jobs will require skill in technology. 67% jobs will require a college degree. But also by then, 13 million high school students will drop out, and miss an opportunity in a career. Let's put that in dollars. 13 million high school students dropping out means that the nation loses 3 trillion dollars in possible revenue. Think about what that does to the economy.

There are a few main reasons why students decide to quit school. One is that there is a significant leap in coursework levels between middle and high school. Students are not getting the academic support they need to succeed. Support. That's the other reason. Because many student lack a mentor to encourage them to continue their education and attend college, they lack the motivation to continue school altogether.

Fortunately for us, this problem CAN be solved. Keep students learning. It HAS been proven that students shown support by an adult are significantly less likely to drop out. Imagine 14.8 million in high school, and all of them getting degrees.