Posts by Angell

Angell

Oct 12, 2013

Undergraduate / My experience in RIFLERY; Common App [6]

I've been trained for shooting since 9th grade and my essay is also about my experiences on riflery. It tried to demonstrate the idea that no one is a lonely island by paralleling the relationship of marksman and his rifle with the relationship we forged with each other. And in the middle of my draft I've got a sentence:

Just like the shooter reaches out to his gun, and the gun also reaches out to its shooter.
Instead of waiting for others to talk to me, I started to reach out myself. I would no longer be the passive one.

I wanted to make the bold sentence a turning point of my essay and echo with the next paragraph, but no matter how i fined it it always seemed very awkward...

does anyone know how to fix the para? or any suggestion is ok..

THANK YOU~~

Angell

Oct 13, 2013

Undergraduate / My experience in RIFLERY; Common App [6]

Thank you! But I'm still not very clear about the "image" thing you've mentioned... do you mean that because guns are sensitive topics on campus so I'd better not mention it?

Angell

Oct 15, 2013

Undergraduate / My experience in RIFLERY; Common App [6]

Umm... my essay was actually about how I, a reticent girl who shut up herself from the outside world, turned into an extrovert student activity leader, and the trigger of this change was my attending riflery... and I've already mentioned some of the changes before these two paras. So under this situation, will this para still sound that uncomfortable?