jesse7chen
Oct 26, 2013
Undergraduate / University of Michigan: Supplementary essay- Finding a new home within my soccer team [7]
Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it (around 250 words).
Any kind of criticism is welcome! Be harsh! Perhaps some pointers on what to cut out and what to elaborate on? Thanks!
"Seven more!" coach bellows. Panting heavily, I lock eyes with my equally fatigued teammates. Exhaustion had set in long before. But my team doesn't have a proclivity for surrendering.
I've played soccer on the same premier club team since 5th grade, but I never felt as if I fit in. It was no fault of theirs; I simply was a shy kid at the time. I became much more outgoing during high school, but that familiar stigma of being the quiet kid haunted me biweekly when I practiced with my club team, a chain bounding me to my former self. So when I tried out for my high school's soccer team, I was elated to find a group committed to success on and off the field, one that provided an environment where I genuinely enjoyed playing soccer. It wasn't painless rising at 5:30 AM to go to morning practices but when I stepped onto that dew-covered field and saw my entire team there as well, all reluctance fled my mind.
Three years later, I now have the honor of captaining this amazing squad. It's bittersweet; sometimes it's strange to be an authority figure among a group of friends. My close friend approached me after our first conditioning session and apologized for "not giving his all". He never talked to me like that. Had I changed? His mouth opened again and the words "You did a great job as captain and I'm glad to be underneath your leadership" hit me like a train. I could have cried. Rousing my teammates to accomplish tasks previously thought impossible, that's what I truly enjoy doing. We live for the euphoria of conquering the seemingly unassailable team. I couldn't be prouder to be called the leader of this group of leaders.
Word Count: 296 words.
Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it (around 250 words).
Any kind of criticism is welcome! Be harsh! Perhaps some pointers on what to cut out and what to elaborate on? Thanks!
"Seven more!" coach bellows. Panting heavily, I lock eyes with my equally fatigued teammates. Exhaustion had set in long before. But my team doesn't have a proclivity for surrendering.
I've played soccer on the same premier club team since 5th grade, but I never felt as if I fit in. It was no fault of theirs; I simply was a shy kid at the time. I became much more outgoing during high school, but that familiar stigma of being the quiet kid haunted me biweekly when I practiced with my club team, a chain bounding me to my former self. So when I tried out for my high school's soccer team, I was elated to find a group committed to success on and off the field, one that provided an environment where I genuinely enjoyed playing soccer. It wasn't painless rising at 5:30 AM to go to morning practices but when I stepped onto that dew-covered field and saw my entire team there as well, all reluctance fled my mind.
Three years later, I now have the honor of captaining this amazing squad. It's bittersweet; sometimes it's strange to be an authority figure among a group of friends. My close friend approached me after our first conditioning session and apologized for "not giving his all". He never talked to me like that. Had I changed? His mouth opened again and the words "You did a great job as captain and I'm glad to be underneath your leadership" hit me like a train. I could have cried. Rousing my teammates to accomplish tasks previously thought impossible, that's what I truly enjoy doing. We live for the euphoria of conquering the seemingly unassailable team. I couldn't be prouder to be called the leader of this group of leaders.
Word Count: 296 words.