atacankucuk
Dec 11, 2013
Writing Feedback / TOEFL; Today's competitive society requires at least social independence from parents for survival [6]
First of all, thank you for helping me . Subject is taken from ETS offical TOEFL test generator.
Subject: Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time. Which of these situations do you think is better. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
Living with parents is no longer a fresh word for young people anymore. The society and its rules are chancing even if we do not realize or willing to be part of it. It cannot be ignored that some of these young adults want independence from their parent for various reasons and the others also prefer to live with them for a longer time because of several occasions. In my opinion, Today's competitive society requires at least social independence from parents for survival. But if it happens too soon, life might become a nightmare for both sides.
First of all, the idea of living with parents or be separated from them is depend on who you are, also where you are. So, it actually based on cultural circumstances. It is obvious that having strong relations with parents cannot be denied but also getting independence is a necessity because no one lives forever and parents will not be there to the eternity. A family should prepare the child for highly competitive environment, and while they doing this thing, the child must be filled with self-confidence and a sense of being as a person. Anyway, I do not think it is necessary for young adults, reaching independence from family till they get married or without having a good profession.
Apart from the points I made above, young individuals strive to enhance their weaknesses for real world, the competitive environment. Moreover, if strong family connections become an obstacle as an addiction, these young adults might not stand against dramatically competitive and chancing world. For this reason, while a young adult seeks to protect his/her family, also has to be prepared for everything in this life. Another thing is that today's competitive society many of young adults get their independence reluctantly. taking care of family is not only the job of parents but also a duty for young adults.
Finally, getting independent from parents is also about the economic statue of the family. Good economic situation is vital for a young adult's independence. Without family money or a good job , no one can say that life is good enough to live. Furthermore, family is a safety place to live if your economic condition is not satisfy your ambition of being free.
In brief, living with family for a longer time is better anyway. The day which bring your independence eventually will come. Till that time, family is the most reliable place that you could ever have. So, having self-confidence and enhancing skills is enough to be happy in life. Perhaps ocean provides more sophisticated world, but only a lake will bring you peace.
Please evaluate my essay with your estimation about point scale. (I mean how many points my essay worth ?)
Thanks again.
Sincerely.
First of all, thank you for helping me . Subject is taken from ETS offical TOEFL test generator.
Subject: Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time. Which of these situations do you think is better. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
Living with parents is no longer a fresh word for young people anymore. The society and its rules are chancing even if we do not realize or willing to be part of it. It cannot be ignored that some of these young adults want independence from their parent for various reasons and the others also prefer to live with them for a longer time because of several occasions. In my opinion, Today's competitive society requires at least social independence from parents for survival. But if it happens too soon, life might become a nightmare for both sides.
First of all, the idea of living with parents or be separated from them is depend on who you are, also where you are. So, it actually based on cultural circumstances. It is obvious that having strong relations with parents cannot be denied but also getting independence is a necessity because no one lives forever and parents will not be there to the eternity. A family should prepare the child for highly competitive environment, and while they doing this thing, the child must be filled with self-confidence and a sense of being as a person. Anyway, I do not think it is necessary for young adults, reaching independence from family till they get married or without having a good profession.
Apart from the points I made above, young individuals strive to enhance their weaknesses for real world, the competitive environment. Moreover, if strong family connections become an obstacle as an addiction, these young adults might not stand against dramatically competitive and chancing world. For this reason, while a young adult seeks to protect his/her family, also has to be prepared for everything in this life. Another thing is that today's competitive society many of young adults get their independence reluctantly. taking care of family is not only the job of parents but also a duty for young adults.
Finally, getting independent from parents is also about the economic statue of the family. Good economic situation is vital for a young adult's independence. Without family money or a good job , no one can say that life is good enough to live. Furthermore, family is a safety place to live if your economic condition is not satisfy your ambition of being free.
In brief, living with family for a longer time is better anyway. The day which bring your independence eventually will come. Till that time, family is the most reliable place that you could ever have. So, having self-confidence and enhancing skills is enough to be happy in life. Perhaps ocean provides more sophisticated world, but only a lake will bring you peace.
Please evaluate my essay with your estimation about point scale. (I mean how many points my essay worth ?)
Thanks again.
Sincerely.