Posts by VP0494

VP0494

Dec 23, 2013

Undergraduate / I have good news for you buddy; Letter to your Future Room-mate ; Stanford [6]

I agree with the previous comment.

I like your work overall, but I think this part isn't as good as the rest:

Food and soccer, weird combination, right~~?!?~~ Doesn't it remind you of the Brazilian Ronaldo? Well, if you didn't get thejoke Iwill make sure that before we graduate you are into soccer.

Red: I think you should get rid of this; it would make sense when you actually talk to someone, but reading in a committee will probably sound awkward.

Blue: This part is good because it shows a sense of humor; I think you should re-word it though.
Green: Comma after joke.

VP0494

Dec 23, 2013

Undergraduate / Caste. Princeton Undergraduate Essay- How do we unlearn the practices of inequality? [6]

For other commenters, here's the full prompt:

Tell us how you would address the questions raised by the quotation below, or reflect upon an experience you have had that was relevant to these questions. "How can we unlearn the practices of inequality? In other words, how do we increase our capacities not just to act without racism but to actively promote racial equality?" - Imani Perry, Professor, Center for African American Studies, and Faculty Associate, Program in Law and Public Affairs, Princeton University.

While you're certainly entitled to your opinion, I think it may come across as naïve. (Of course, that's just my opinion too...) The prompt asks how to "actively promote racial equality," and you're arguing that if we ignore it, it will go away. Again, you're certainly entitled to believe this, but what about the historical reasons why we have things like Scheduled Caste/Tribe (India) and affirmative action (US)? There historically has been, and still continues to be, a massive gap in wealth, quality of life, life expectancy, education level, and social status, between the historically oppressed groups these programs address and the average levels in their respective societies. Your solution only seems to address social status. On average, African-American families in the US and lower-caste families in India have less access to health care, education for their children, family planning resources, etc. Hopefully, you haven't had to experience it yourself, but there are certainly many, many people for whom these programs are their only hope for education and advancement. "For centuries, we were socially oppressed... this practice was no longer in existence" I'm glad to hear it's not been a problem for you, but for many, many others, this oppression still exists.

My point in saying all of this: If this is what you believe, then certainly, you should write it. However, I think you should bear in mind that some will very strongly disagree with you. Moreover, if you acknowledge the complexity of the issue within the essay, that will certainly help it.

VP0494

Dec 24, 2013

Undergraduate / Indian-American/Dr. K's class - Diversity and "Why Caltech?" [2]

Could anyone give me feedback on these two essays? Brutal honesty is appreciated.

Prompt:
In an increasingly global and interdependent society, there is a need for diversity in thought, talent, and experiences in science, technology, engineering and mathematics. How do you see yourself contributing to the diversity of Caltech's community? (150 words max)

Response:
As an Indian-American, I straddle the divide between two cultures. With one foot in the foothills of Appalachia and the other in the foothills of the Western Ghats, I flit between English and Malayalam, between fast-food and idly-sambaar, between my present and my family's past. My dual heritage informs and inspires me. I'm proud to call myself a hyphenated American.

More importantly, I believe I possess a rare combination of skills and experiences that will enable me to contribute uniquely to Caltech. I have strong technical writing and presentation skills; for example, as part of the Student Launch Initiative, I wrote design documentation and presented it to NASA engineers. Having held leadership positions in Key Club, my temple's youth group, and within my school, I know I'm an effective leader and a clear communicator. Furthermore, as a student researcher, I've honed both my scientific knowledge and time-management and collaboration skills.

Prompt:
Scientific exploration clearly excites you (otherwise you wouldn't be applying to Caltech). What is it about Caltech's opportunities and resources that will best fuel your intellectual curiosity and develop your passion for science, technology, math or engineering? (500 words max)

Response:
Dr. K[name removed], my AP [removed] teacher, was unlike any teacher I'd ever had. He demanded excellence from each of his students, and somehow, he got it out of us. I was used to acing my classes, but at the beginning of junior year, I'd count myself lucky if I got a 65 on his tests. Dr. K thought the AP curriculum was too lenient, and substituted his own. He regularly led us into challenging problems, and left us there to find our own ways out. No other class I've taken - not a molecular biology course at NC State University, or college-level organic chemistry, or multivariable calculus - came close to the rigor of his class. He had a simple motto: "Who cares if it's on the test? Learn it anyway!" Dr. K's message was simple and clear: pursue excellence in everything you study.

Dr. K's class broke through my preconceptions of smart or capable I was, and forced me to work harder than I have for any class before. Over the course of the year, his strict regimen of problem solving taught me to systematically tackle any problem and gave me the confidence to face problems I'd never seen before. Though I'd been interested in physics ever since I played with LEGO bots and Arduinos as a kid, this class brought me a deeper appreciation for the beauty and applicability of physics. In senior year, inspired by my class with Dr. K, I took a course in Modern Physics first trimester and then organized an independent study seminar in modern physics topics second trimester.

Dr. K's class had a deep impact on me; however, I doubt Dr. K's drill-sergeant methods would have been successful if this class hadn't been at a STEM-focused school with dedicated students and accomplished faculty. At my school, an atmosphere of trust permeates the teacher-student relationship; teachers give exams un-proctored and assign challenging problems with the implied expectation that we won't just Google the solutions. Students work together, both in class and in study groups. Life-changing classes like this one can only happen at an institution dedicated to pursuing the highest quality of education. To me, Caltech embodies a commitment to excellence in an environment of trust and collaboration. Caltech is the sole university where all students are consistently held to exacting standards in all their academic pursuits.

Moreover, I know the difference a school's faculty can make; without teachers dedicated to student success, I wouldn't have been able to pursue my interests in physics, or in research. Nor could our rocketry team, which meets in the school's basement. Caltech encourages its students to pursue their love of STEM topics more than any other university. Its opportunities for undergraduate research are unparalleled - a testament to the quality of its education.

I think I could easily emerge, unscathed and untested, from an easy four years at an average university. That's not what I want. I want a Caltech education: one that will challenge and transform me.