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Posts by supbrahs
Joined: Dec 29, 2013
Last Post: Jan 1, 2014
Threads: 2
Posts: 4  
From: United States of America
School: Stuyvesant High School

Displayed posts: 6
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supbrahs   
Dec 29, 2013
Undergraduate / Lego Kits - "My interest in mechanical engineering"- UIUC prompt [4]

Can any helpful soul please take a look at my essay and point out any grammatical errors, confusing ideas, sloppy transitions between sentences, or any other errors.

Explain your interest in the major you selected. You may describe a related experience you've had to that area of study and/or your future career goals. Please limit your response to approximately 300 words.

I will pm the essay to anyone who is willingly to help me out.
supbrahs   
Dec 29, 2013
Undergraduate / Duke is a liberal arts college with strong science programs; Why Duke? [4]

Decent essay. I have to say the last sentence is a bit desperate; you are practically asking them if they can accept you. While your essay should reflect your research on Duke, it should also show a bit of your strength. I think it would be wise to cut out the last sentence or at least rephrase it to make room to add a bit more about your personal strength. Can you please look over my essay? "My interest in mechanical engineering"- UIUC prompt
supbrahs   
Dec 29, 2013
Undergraduate / Lego Kits - "My interest in mechanical engineering"- UIUC prompt [4]

derp i cant personal message.

Here are two versions of the essay. tell me which is better please.

Version 1
Growing up with tales of amazing robots that helps people perform complex tasks on television and articles, I wanted to build even more intricate robots. Every Christmas, my parents would get me the same gift, Lego Kit. And with this massive collection of Lego pieces, motors, sensors, gears, lights, cameras, and batteries, I created myriad amounts of robots, which, simple as they were, geared my interests towards Mechanical Engineering. I wanted to take my dream further. I found out a robotic class in my high school that teaches how to build and program robots from scratch. I immediately decided to take it.

On the first day, my instructor gave the assignment to build a16-feet-by-18-feet, remote-controlled robot that picks up ping-pong balls. I research the mechanisms and thought about all the different ways to build my creation, I realized that an engineering's greatest task is to learn from the experience of the numberless past models and formulate a more efficient and novel concept. Without many definitive boundaries limiting my ideas, the amount of creativity that lies in the machines that I can create is only restricted by the bounds of my imagination. With this new found inspiration, I successfully constructed my first mechatronic piece of work from raw material. I gained from this project hands-on experience on engineering. I like it.

Version 2
Every Christmas, my parents always get me the same gift, Lego Kits. As a result, I have been building a massive collection of Lego pieces, motors, sensors, gears, lights, cameras, and batteries. With these components I created myriad amounts of robots, which, simple as they were, geared my interests towards Mechanical Engineering. Growing up watching robots on television and reading about amazing robots that could help people perform complex tasks, I want to build more intricate robots and take my dream further.

Fortunately, my high school offers a robotic class that teaches how to build and program real robots from scratch. When I discovered this class, I immediately decided to take it because I wanted to build multifunctional robots and gain more hands-on experiences on engineering. On the first day, my instructor assigned me to build a remote-controlled, 16 feet by 18 feet robot that can pick up ping-pong balls. After researching the mechanisms and thinking about all the different ways to build the robot, I realized that an engineer's biggest task is to have to come up with an efficient and original piece of work based on an almost endless amount of existing models. Without many definitive boundaries limiting my ideas, the amount of creativity that lies in the machines that I can create is only restricted by the bounds of my imagination. Having this mind set, I successfully designed my robot and constructed it using parts that I made from raw metals. This project piqued my interest with robots and solidified my passion in mechanical engineering. To become an engineer and to build imaginative and creative machines and to always improve on it is, for me, a dream coming true.
supbrahs   
Jan 1, 2014
Undergraduate / Center for Career Development - NYU Supplement for Stern [5]

Growing up in the poorest areas of Shanghai with just my mom who earned minimal wage, I knew better than most people how important money is and how difficult life can be without it. But what I never understood was how while the majority of the Chinese, and the world population rest remained dirt poor, the top one percent continued to accumulate massive amounts of wealth. This prevalent economic inequality made me think about the possible factors and hidden forces that manipulated the distribution of wealth in human society. To better understand the issues of wealth distribution and to explore the causes for certain economic phenomenons in today's society, I want to pursue an economics degree at the New York University Stern School of Business.

The global aspects of Stern, the myriads of internship and career opportunities provided by Stern, and the Berkley Center for Entrepreneurship and Innovation are all very attractive and useful in helping me achieving my goal. Stern, located in one of the most globalized cities in the world, offers its students with many study abroad programs. With many chances to enroll in foreign schools and immerse myself in other cultures, I will surely develop stronger leadership skills and establish important connections by joining programs ranging from the one week long International Studies Program to the semester long Stern International Business Exchange Program and the NYU Office of Global Programs. I also look forward to taking advantage of the Wassermann Center for Career Development, which grants me access to thousands of top firms in New York City and around the world. But to me, the most appealing part of Stern is the Berkley Center for Entrepreneurship and Innovation. In order to have a full and clear understanding of economics, of how goods and services are produced, distributed, and consumed, I must experience the actual processes of producing, distributing and consuming the goods and services. Thus the Berkley Center is an unique feature of Stern that will tremendously boost my knowledge of economics by letting me run a business of my choice.
supbrahs   
Jan 1, 2014
Undergraduate / Center for Career Development - NYU Supplement for Stern [5]

sorry for forgetting to include the prompt. it was 1. Given your NYU campuses of interest - whether they are your primary and alternate home campuses of interest or where you would like to study away while you are a student - where, exactly, would you like to study at NYU - and why? Stern, international, nyu is an amazing global city,

2. Whether you are undecided or you have a definitive plan of study in mind, what are your academic interests and how do you plan to explore them at NYU? Dean's roundtable luncheon,
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