Writing Feedback / War weapons and increasing rapid pace of life today causes more problems than it solves [6]

Please review my GRE essay and provide comments as it will help to improve my writing skills

Since the second half of last century, people around the world has been witnessing increasing pace of every aspect of life. On considering the consequences of this change, some people argue that astonishing tempo of life is causing more problem than it can settle. This statement is obviously true. Hasty development is resulting in far more troubles beyond human's ability to solve than the number of problems settled.

First, with increasing amount of work and development of technology, quick tempo of life afflicts people's health and relationships. Spending more and more time studying and working to earn a good living and move up the ladder, hardly do people have sufficient time to take care of their health. What is more, much less time is spent for family gathering and friends who are crucial factors of happiness and healthiness. Besides, the changing pace of life along with development in technology also alters people's habits. Instead of hanging out with friends or spending time with family members, people are becoming much more addicted to electric devices with which they can entertain themselves with games, chatrooms and so on. These changes, therefore created more serious problems to personal life than it can solve.

Besides, this negative trend can also be explained partly by the deterioriation of the environment. Since the industrial revolution in the UK, people have been hurriedly exploiting a great amount of natural resources to accommodate growing demand. Although the global exploitation has undeniably bolstered economic growth and improve standard of living, it also causes complex environmental problems. For example, fossil fuels such as coal, petroleum and natural are huge sources of energy to generate electricity and power transportation system, making manufacturing of goods possible, but the excessive use of them leads to environmental problems, climate change and shortage of energy in the near future. Furthermore, these consequences may have negative knock-on effects on plants, animals and human's lives.

Last but not least, many countries are inventing more dangerous war weapons to keep pace with global development as well as boost their position in the world stage. Arms race between countries is definitely threatening people's lives. Such weapons as nuclear bombs and missiles can cause enormous damage directly and indirectly. With these kinds of weapons in their hands, countries are becoming more and more aggressive and threatening the peace of this world. The increasing pace of life, reflected in such political and diplomatic aspect, is causing great trouble to human.

In conclusion, the hasty pace of life is creating more problems than it solves. Unfortunately, slowing it down is an incredible task. Instead, governments should be more responsible for their actions and issue policies that can maintain sustainable development. Every person should consider short-term and long-term effects before making a decision.

Writing Feedback / GRE ; Free university education to every student who cannot afford it [2]

Please give me some advice on this GRE essay!

Governments should offer a free university education to any student who has been admitted to a university but who cannot afford the tuition.

Good educational background is believed to provide a person with better occupational opportunity. Thus, a country where people are given chances to access academic institutions is investing in a prolific long-term business which will eventually have positive impacts on its whole society. Hence, some people argue that free university education should be given free to students who has been admitted but cannot support their education themselves. This idea, however, is partly true. Free education should be given to poor students, but university authorities should take measures to ensure those students deserve it and take budget requirement into consideration.

On the one hand, it's the government responsibility to make university education affordable to its people. Knowledge and experience earned during university study can help students who suffer deprivation have better future employment. For example, Myhanh, an orphan living in HCMC with her uncle, is financed by the city's authority to continue her tertiary education in University of Medical after passing the entrance exam in 2001. She graduated in 2007 and has been working as a doctor so far. Another reason for this is the general development of a country. Those students, after graduating from universities, will work and make contributions to society in different ways, much more valuable than the outlay that the government affords for their initial study.

On the other hand, government should take measures to ensure that those students deserve university education. Such factors as enthusiasm and ambition should be taken into consideration. Good students without being interest in study may fail to complete his course. Moreover, financed students must make a commitment to maintain or improve their study results to an agreed level. For example, University of Technical Education HCMC agreed to fund an amount of tuition if a poor student gains a GPA of or more than 8.0. By this way, government can make best use of its educational budget.

Another issue need considering is budget allocation on such programs. Governments cannot offer free university education to every poor student admitted by universities in their country since it requires a huge amount of money. In addition, studying countries with excellent education system like the US is the dream of millions of international students, many of whom are good enough to be admitted by US's universities but unable to afford their study. Obviously, by no means can the US government fund all those students. Instead, they should find solutions that can relieve the budget burden of the government, for example, granting loans.

In conclusion, although education is necessary to the general long-term development of a country and should be accessible to everyone, governments should analyze their budget as well as facilities before offering free university education to poor students.

Writing Feedback / GRE essay: Are people's attitudes determined more by society or situations? [2]

Hello, below is my GRE essay:
Could you tell me if my essay's structure, reasons and examples are good?

Topic:
People's attitudes are determined more by the immediate situations or surroundings than by society as a whole.

Attitude is the way people think about and behave towards some thing. On considering what factors have more significant impact on a person's attitude, some people believe that personal assumptions and behavior are influenced predominantly by society as a whole. By contrast, others adopt the stance that attitude is form when people face with immediate circumstances. Althoug the former statement is true to some extent, it is the later that is corroborated by practical evidence.

On the one hand, though human's attitude is affected deeply by society, social impact is vulnerable. For example, a child is usually told not to tell lies by his parents as lying is a bad behavior. But when he gets adult, contacting with different kinds of people and dealing with various situations in which he had to tell lies to cover some thing up, he starts to tell lies, no matter whether they are white or harmful lies. As can be seen, social effects on attitude are, though lengthy, weak and easy to be replaced. On the other hand, attitude formation is often attributed to immediate circumstances which are much stronger than society. For example, lessons about love taught by our parents advise us to love everyone unconditionally, but a woman who suffers from an acrimonious divorce might become doubtful about love. Only under particular circumstances do people pay more attention to their thoughts, feelings and actions which make a large contribution to the formation of attitude.

Another reason for this is the set of personal experience every one possess. Obviously, personal experience is different from person to person, even twins living in the same homes. Base on their unique experience, people form ideas and take their stances. Hardly do two people have the same attitude towards every thing they face with. For example, a student may have a predilection for his math teacher who is sophisticated and strict because he has good impression with these kinds of personality. However, another is scared of him on account of his coldness. This proves that although people are in the same society, their attittude are not analogous because they may have formed their own presumptions previously about surrounding things and people. This results in the fact that they form their attitude without much impact from society, but from personal expericence of particular situations.

In conclusion, attitude is formed mainly under immediate circumstances. Much as people expose to the impact of society, they will not have their mind shaped until involving in particular circumstances.