Undergraduate / PLAYING CARDS - Business is in my blood ; Central to Identity [3]

Hi, I just signed up on this website today, so I'm going to try my best to respond, and give good feedback.

"From trading playing cards in elementary school to..."

"Growing up, I was always observant of the things others did not notice; much of my free time was spent asking questions ."
Blue : How does this relate?

At the end of the introduction paragraph, I think you should explain how this got you into business...

Like... With this I realized that business was where I belonged, and I knew that I could accomplish a lot through this...etc.

"I was working at COMPANY for 2 weeks when I exposed..." 2 should be spelled out as two.

Also, you start you sentences with "I" a lot, you can still use "I" but try to reword the sentences so that not a lot of them start with "I"

For Example:
"I believe my remarkable characteristics and the resources your institution has to offer will augment my success in a business major."

My remarkable characteristics and the resources your institution has to offer will augment my success in a business major.

"I uncovered a $500,000 (fraction of my estimate 7500 stores * 10,000 in each store = 75m) plus vulnerability in my company's system after only three weeks. Imagine the possibilities after graduating from college."

By uncovering a $500,000 plus vulnerability in the company's system after only three weeks, one can only imagine the potential I have after graduating from college.

Hopefully this helped??

And the topic is--> background story central to your identity
what was the driving force in your background story that made you want to become a business major, that identified you as a person in business? Was it that you knew you were good at business? I don't really know from reading your essay.

I think you story is very interesting though, your insight to the crime that was taking place, your attention to detail, and your determination to act and actually change the system and make a difference is very cool. I don't think I would able to recognize all that was happening and actually be able to act on it.

Are you applying through Common App or individual colleges?
Because if it's Common App, the limit is 650 words.

Good Luck! :D I hope you get into the colleges!

Undergraduate / The pre-medical program - COMMON APP ESSAY: BOSTON UNIVERSITY: QUESTION [2]

Didgeridoo

I love Boston because it is rich in history and culture. I've been lucky to visit Boston twice and each time I've loved it. The first time I visitied was when I was in elementary school, and I read that Boston was one of the oldest cities of the U.S. with some of the oldest buildings. I got to see all the buildings, both old and new and I thought what a cool city. In my junior year I visited again with my AP U.S. History class, and it was so exciting. I love history and actually seeing the places where history occurred was amazing. I got to actually stand on the site where the Boston Massacare took place! I knew then that I would love to study here, a place where history is made! Here, I can achieve my goal of becoming a physician and work to raise the quality of healthcare in developing countries. Not only does Boston University have a strong pre-medical program, but its accelerated medical program will allow me to become active in the field of medicine even faster. With the school's strong research environment, research oppurtunities, interships and study abroad programs and the city's plethora of organizations and activities, I can grow and gain experience as a pre-medical student. As many alumini of Boston University have made history, I shall make history too, starting at Boston University.