Undergraduate / How you learned about Santa Clara University? SCU WRITING PROMPT #1 [3]

Santa Clara University had been a name that sat in the back of my mind for so many years. ----- SCU has always been in my mind.

It wasn't until a reunion lunch with a few old family friends my junior year when I had finally put he pieces together.--- It was not unti... that...

It was always in one ear and out the other when it came to hearing bout their latest achievements or their fascinating flashbacks from college experiences; however this name finally became important.

This name ---too many "this name"s---resembled a piece of the next chapter in my life: applying to colleges. Since then it seemed as if SCU was always at my fingertips-- college fairs, meetings with my counselor, currently enrolled peers. Throughout my application process I have done extensive research on SCU and now, with a personally formulated opinion of my own, I believe this is an excellent university for my desires and necessities.

I think you should talk more about your 3 heros (who?) and what they have done/said about this school that makes you want to apply. So far everything is too vague and there are too many unnecessar parts.

Undergraduate / HARD DECISION; U of M Common App Transfer and Community Essay. [2]

As the year continued, I realized that staying home may not have been the best choice after all. --- This is not a great transition sentence. You should use a constrast connectors and start a new paragraph.

The first essay is too general. I gather that you want to transfer because the new school is diverse, energetic and challenging but every school claim to be so. Secondly, I don't get why a person who chose the close-knit university is attracted to a diverse one. I know that people change but you don't show the process of changing here. Talk more in detail about it or cross the part out entirely.

Graduate / "Cease fire, cease fire!" ; Personal statement to Public Health Grad school [3]

This is a very good piece and you have good material. I see you know how to stress action. The latter half is still a little too general for me. I suggest you elaborate more on how the course will help you.