Undergraduate / China inspiration - Emory: My uniqueness and contribution. cultural stuff! [7]

If you actually look carefully at your essay, you realize that you didn't answer the question. You were asked which programs and/or activities you would plan to get involved with, and what qualities you can bring to it. You were answering another question - what makes you unique.

On top of this, after reading your first two paragraphs, my first thought was that you were writing on how elderly people are important to society or something like that. To put it simply, the entire essay is going off a tangent. Introduction was not on the topic, and neither was your conclusion.

To sum it up, I personally think that this is not a good essay. However, do not be demoralized. It doesn't matter that you made lots of mistakes with your grammar and vocabulary; they'll understand since English is not your native language. The most important thing is, your essay have to answer the question. It shows them that you at least understands what they want, and that you will not have a problem catching up when you take all your lessons in English if you are admitted.

Hopefully your other application materials were strong enough to guarantee you admission. All the best!

Undergraduate / I will never feel lonely; Why Carleton ? [3]

Your essay does not really answer the question. You need to talk about what is it about Carleton that attracts you, and not just about yourself and your future plans. Of course, a little on these are fine and good, but the focus of your essay is on yourself, which is a no no. In this case, you realize that your second paragraph is not necessary at all. Do you understand what the meaning of liberal arts is? If you do, you shouldn't be talking about finance ONLY. Again, you need to let them know about why you chose Carleton College out of all the other liberal arts schools, and this is what your essay should be mainly about. You did not actually talk about this at all.

I do hope that your other materials are strong enough to get you in, considering your essay is quite weak. But who knows for sure, since other applicants may have even weaker essays.

Oh and you do not need to help me with my essay, I'm doing good. I just wanted to help others with their essays while I'm at a break.

All the best!