Phoenix Vu
Jan 18, 2014
Undergraduate / Revision of my study objectives essay - Industrial Engineering [3]
Your writing is good, however there are some mistakes in red that I have correct for you. And suggestions for improving word choice appear in the text underlined in blue.
I'm currently studying Industrial Engineering at Centro Universitário XXX. My University is located in an industrial region and it has numerous partnerships with the local businesses, this way it can offer internship and employment opportunities for the students, what I believe to be very important in any knowledge field.
. I believe that many medium/large-sized industries has deficiencies in size
In my University in Brazil, I have participated a study about data quality in the industry. I got the results and I conclude that the most part of data problems of a system are caused by human mistakes. Based on this, I have an interest in studying the personal factors inside of an industry. My experience points that the human problems are not well known by the enterprises.
That's why my study objectives focus on these fields.
believe that these three areas are directly connected
It's evident that every enterprise has as its major objective
insist that a planning of training and motivation
I hope this helps!
Your writing is good, however there are some mistakes in red that I have correct for you. And suggestions for improving word choice appear in the text underlined in blue.
I'm currently studying Industrial Engineering at Centro Universitário XXX. My University is located in an industrial region and it has numerous partnerships with the local businesses, this way it can offer internship and employment opportunities for the students, what I believe to be very important in any knowledge field.
. I believe that many medium/large-sized industries has deficiencies in size
In my University in Brazil, I have participated a study about data quality in the industry. I got the results and I conclude that the most part of data problems of a system are caused by human mistakes. Based on this, I have an interest in studying the personal factors inside of an industry. My experience points that the human problems are not well known by the enterprises.
That's why my study objectives focus on these fields.
believe that these three areas are directly connected
It's evident that every enterprise has as its major objective
insist that a planning of training and motivation
I hope this helps!