Writing Feedback / [Toefl] It is not necessary for university students to attend classes ...... [6]

This is my first practice of TOEFL, and i really hope someone could help me correct it and provide me some advice.
Thank you so much！

Do you agree or disagree: It is not necessary for university students to attend classes as long as they can pass the exam.

Though out the last decade, the load of the university students has been constantly increasing. There are those who consider that university students cannot attend any classes until the students pass the exam. There are those who said that student can attend the university coarse without passing the exam. However, from my perspective, students can acquire university knowledge without the prerequisite of passing exam. The reasons to be illustrated are follows.

Firstly, the students are not constantly expert in every part of a subject. For example, I love Physics. But I don't like electronics, because electronics cannot always be seen in the real world. And I have had 0 in physics score when I study the electronics. But I constantly achieve 100 score when I study other part of the physics. And if I cannot attend the classes until I pass the exam of electronics, I could not pass the entire part of physics, and I will fail the exam over and over again. Luckily, in our university, you can attend the classes regardless of the score you reach. And I can study physics without consideration of my electronics. And at last, I took the electronics again and pass the exam.

Secondly, if the university take the policy that no one can attend the classes without passing exam, students are highly likely to leave uncultivated. If one fail most of the exam, it means that he or she cannot participate in most of the classes. And the students will have nothing to do in the campus. Then he or she will play online games days and nights. The academic achievement will decline. In the end, this student will become a loser in the world. And all this is due to that the university don't permit them to attend the class. This is not the failure of the university but also the entire education system.

Admittedly, the university student may don't reach a high if the university allow student to participate in the class no matter whether they pass the test or not. But the benefit of free to access to the classes eclipse the issue of lower points.

All in all, the university should allow the student to participate in the classed without passing the test because not only is every students expert in every part of one subject but also it will reduce the student in the campus who leave uncultivated.

Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] 'friends talk' - telephone is more influential than the television [2]

Please help me correct and rate my essay, thanks.
Topic: the telephone has greater influence on people's life than television has
In the modern society, the telephone has revolutionize the way of communication; in other words, the telephone is the milestone of the telecommunication. But there are those who argue that the telecommunication includes the television; the television also entirely changes our life. However, in my personal views, I strongly believe that the telephone is more influential for several reasons.

Firstly, the telephone entirely impacts the place and way to work. In other words, people are able to work out of the place of work. For instance, a farmer can fertilize his or her own lands by just making some phone call to a fertilizing company, while he or she used to purchase the fertilizer and fertilize the land for many days; the telephone save the time of purchasing fertilizer and free one's hand from working for a long time. Or a businessman can easily manipulate a company at home by making some phone call, while he or she has to stay in the office every day; it allow one to have more pleasant time with his or her families. A teacher can tell the academic achievement of one student by calling his or her parents. The telephone has bring us convenience and high efficiency, which elevate our living standard.

Secondly, the telephone help us to reinforce the friendship. In other words, you can talk to your friends more frequently though the telephone. Unlike the past, you can know the condition of your friends by calling them. And you can build your social network though the phone. Wherever you friends is, whenever it is the midnight or the day, even your friends are thousands of mile from you, the telephone can allow you to keep in touch. You don't have to send mails by which you have to wait for a long time. The telephone enables you to talk to your friends like face to face.

Admittedly, the television alter the way of entertainment. However, the television will bring negative effects on your eyes. So the television is not good for you to keep healthy.

All in all, the telephone is more influential than the telephone. Not only the telephone bring us convenience and high efficiency but also it enables you to talk to your friends without limitation.

Writing Feedback / [TOEFL]People who cannot accept the criticism from others will not be successful [2]

topic: People who cannot accept the criticism from others will not be successful at working in a group.
Please help me to refine the passage, thanks.
Criticism is an effective way of giving comment, which may whip one on correcting the mistakes and guide one away from ignorance. There is no way to avoid the criticism from others. There are those who argue that the criticism is not the prerequisite of success. However, from my perspective, I believe that accepting the criticism from others and correcting your mistake lead you to success; ignoring the criticism will blind one's eyes of right or wrong.

First and foremost reason rests upon the other's prospect of yourself. As the proverb goes, lookers-on see most of the game. In other words, one involved in the issue cannot analyses the issue objectively; others have the objective prospective of the issue. For instance, if one are playing the chess, he or she has an intention; so does the competitor. Hardly can one entirely know the aim of the competitor. However, the looker can easily know the target of both sides. Hence, one should accept the criticism to think objectively.

Secondly, the criticism enables you to be aware of others opinion. In other words, the criticism can provides you with other's opinion in your team. The reasons are twofold. At first, accepting the criticism can prevent the dictatorship in your team. Specifically, if you are the leader of your team, accepting the criticism can allow you to consider others opinion instead of just your own opinion. Thus, the dictatorship can be prevented. In addition, the accepting criticism can strengthen the cooperation in your team. If the entire team members are aware of others opinion, the team will cooperate on the project.

Admittedly, the criticism is not always right. You should think twice before acting. If something unpleasant is said about someone, something that could just as easily apply to you, you should take notice of it. If necessary, you should accept it as constructive criticism. That's what we mean when we say if the cap fits, wear it. "I didn't say you look funny, but if the cap fits, wear it!"

All in all, the acceptance of criticism spurs us to improving constantly and harvest success, because not only the can criticism enable you to penetrate the issue objectively but only the criticism equips you with the opinion of others.