Posts by 12thaugust2005

12thaugust2005

Jul 4, 2014

Writing Feedback / IELTS General Training - Letter Writing - job at a football club [5]

Can someone tell me how these essays look. Please suggest any improvements. I would happy if someone were to tell if these essays can get me an 8.

You are looking for a part-time job at a football club.
Write a letter to the manager of the football club. In your letter:

introduce yourself
explain what experience and special skills you have
tell him/her when you think you could start

I have attached my response in the post. Request members to suggest improvements or correct any errors. I write based on the "sounding well" that means if something sounds well I assume its correct.

CAM00138.jpg

12thaugust2005

Jul 5, 2014

Writing Feedback / IELTS General Training - Letter Writing - job at a football club [5]

Is it too bad? I mean is it incomprehensible ? I m asking because I can read it without much effort and I just want to know how others see it. Thanks for your honest feedback on my handwriting, but can u say whats not legible in detail. I m worried abt my writing task in IELTS. Hope my handwriting doesnt cost me my score.

12thaugust2005

Jul 6, 2014

Writing Feedback / IELTS General Training - Letter Writing - job at a football club [5]

I am posting my essay here, instead of the picture. I highly appreciate your valuable comments and suggestions to improve.

As per our earlier agreement, I have to move into the apartment at 190 A Collins street on March 12th.. However I am sorry to inform you that I would be unable to occupy the apartment until second week of April, due to personal circumstances.

During a business visit to Brisbane last week, I met with an accident. I have sustained shoulder and knee injuries and require complete rest for about a month. Due to this unfortunate incident, I would not be able to relocate to Melbourne for another month.

As per the terms of the rental agreement, I will be wire transferring this months rent to your bank account. In the eventuality of further delay in my relocation due to my recovery, I request you to kindly terminate the agreement after the month end. I will keep you informed about my progress well in advance. I apologise for all the inconvenience caused. I request your cooperation in this regard.

12thaugust2005

Jul 6, 2014

Writing Feedback / GRE ESSAY - detailed analysis of a society [2]

Few comments,

1. Couple of sentences are too long. It is good to use them with appropriate conjunctions. But at the same time, be cautious about the grammar too

2. What is the expected number of words?
3. As per your stand, you do not support analysis only at cities. Though it is stated clearly in the conclusion, I feel the number of supporting points are less

12thaugust2005

Jul 6, 2014

Writing Feedback / SAT ; We place far too much emphasis on experience and achievement in our society [5]

Assignment

Hi Dilian,

your essay looks good and I guess it is meeting all requirements. Will it add more value, if you could quote few more examples, especially from the recent times as well. I can understand that you have written in detail, explaining all scenarios.

All the best dude

12thaugust2005

Jul 6, 2014

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 1 - Reject a company offer - letter [3]

Following is the question for task 1, which is a letter writing. It would be very useful to hear your feedback and suggestions during my preparation

Question:

You cannot go to a company where you got an offer. Write a letter to the HR supervisor to

explain the reason why you decline the offer
express you gratitude
explain you like your current job very much

My answer:

I am writing to you to express my regret for not being able to accept your job offer. I have been offered the regional sales manager position at your firm with an annual pay of $80,000.

I would like to thank you for considering me for the job. My experience with you and your staff throughout the evaluation process has been very cordial and amicable. I am sorry for all the inconvenience caused and for wasting your precious time and energy in evaluating me.

Although your offer is competitive, it is not enough for me to move from my current organisation. By accepting the offer, I will have to not only relocation to another city but also have to give up many of my valuable contacts in the current region, which are crucial in a sales career. Also in my present job I earn higher commissions which offset my lower salary. I therefore am not able to accept your otherwise munificent offer.

Thank you for your understanding.