Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1. Two bars: motivations to study and workers' support [4]

Hey Mr you write essay very well instead of estamating the quantity of words. However the essay well-organised.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS task2] Job for a few years between school and university [7]

In conclusion transition is somehow not formal, that is why I recommend you to use simple transitions such as In conclusion;To conclude:; like this.