Scholarship / 'The days after that were bleak and insignificant' - ethical dilemma essay [3]

Hi, I was wondering if someone could help me with my essay for Questbridge? It's due in two days. Thank you. :)

Prompt: We are interested in learning more about you and the context in which you have grown up, formed your aspirations and accomplished your academic successes. Please describe the factors and challenges that have most shaped your personal life and aspirations.

From Cars to Technology

The minute I entered my father's car on the first day of summer break, I knew something was wrong. His eyes were sunken in and his lips looked so pale they were almost white. Although he tried to smile, the corners of his mouth were so drawn down, it looked more like a scowl. I took a deep breath and asked him what was wrong. I expected him to tell me that our family was having financial difficulties or that he had lost his job, but my father gazed at me with unshed tears in his hazel green eyes and responded, "Jerry has gone to heaven." My little heart dropped heavily to my stomach and my vision became instantly obscured by the trail of tears that never seemed to stop. I listened on with my heart beating against my chest as my father narrated to me the story of how my seven year old brother had a fever and was taken to the doctor and reacted violently to a medicine given to him. My excitement for the summer slowly crumbled around me along with my world.

The days after that were bleak and insignificant. It became harder to get up in the morning and go on with my daily activities. Gloominess hung around my house and family and was evident in everything we did and our overall appearance. I remember when I would go into Jerry's room and gather his clothes to my chest, pretending it was him in my arms. And when I would look at his pictures for hours, wishing I could reach across the glossy piece of paper and pull him into the real world. For a while I let grief take over my life and did not have any direction where I was going. The world was a colorless void space and nothing appealed to me. No amount of 'sorry's' could change what had happened, and although I couldn't change the past, I knew I could move on and hope for a better future.

It took time, but I slowly started to enjoy little activities like arts and crafts and fixing things. I engaged in more fun activities and challenged myself to do things I initially thought I could not. Each time I would occupy myself with an activity or project, such as working on school work or writing a story, I would imagine Jerry behind me, cheering me on to get to the end, to finish. His imagined presence got me through a lot of problems and issues and pushed me to do things I usually would not think of attempting. "Would Jerry be happy if I did this?" became the question I asked myself before I made any important decision. Doing things out of my comfort zone became an exciting experience for me. The world was a place full of different possibilities and opportunities and I couldn't wait to explore.

I learn from every circumstance that I overcome and use the knowledge that I gain to make a better life for myself. The world intrigues and inspires me and my dream is to use what I have learned from my experiences, people, and the things around me to make the world a better place for everyone. I want to study electrical engineering and use technology to improve the lives of those who are not in a position to help themselves. Technology is becoming more advanced every day and I want to be part of the journey. I aim to be a strong and successful woman in the engineering field and provide aid to the disabled, the poor, and everyone else who is need of help. Going to a good university will give me greater opportunities and ensure my prosperity.

I now look forward to learning and having more life-changing experiences. Everything I have gone through have made me the person I am today and I aspire to continue my education and mature intellectually and personally. Even in death, Jerry has always been with me. Everything I do is to make him and my family proud of the person I have now become. I am a more purposeful person every day and since his death, I have started to look at life in a different way. I learn to appreciate the world, the people around me, and be grateful for the opportunities I have been given.

Undergraduate / "You're so tall. You don't need to wear heels" - UC Personal Statement (Prompt #2) [6]

This is my second draft of prompt 2 of the UC personal statement.
I would really love some help with this. Any type of criticism is greatly appreciated. Thank you very much!

UC Personal Statement #2
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

If asked a year ago what my favorite type of heel was, 'none' would be an automatic response. After all, why wear heels when you're six feet tall?

I recently attended church and was in the bathroom with water from the sink running down my hands when a female church member came in and looked at me closely. "You're so tall. You don't need to wear heels," she stated. I stared at the woman for a minute and expected to feel a burst of sadness at the experiences that jumped to my mind at the remark, but was surprised when none arose. I found myself looking at the woman with a smile on my face and replying, "I know, but I do anyway."

"You don't need to wear heels" was a statement I had made myself believe in the past. A statement that was confirmed by the numerous amount of people who told me the same thing. At age twelve, I was five feet and nine inches, at age fourteen, I had grown to five feet and ten inches, and at age sixteen, I was just about six feet tall. Eyes followed me wherever I went and the whispers seemed to never cease. "She's so tall..." "I thought she was wearing heels..." "...how long can a person's legs get?" "...and I thought I was tall..." To say I was insecure about my height would be an understatement.

During a church service one Sunday, I sat next to a woman who was several inches taller than I, heels included. After the service, I inquired about her height and she told me she was six feet and two inches. My mouth dropped at the response and I asked her if she felt weird when she put on those heels. She smiled at me and answered, "Why should I? I don't have any reason to." And neither should you, her eyes seemed to say. I was stunned. I, who was just six feet tall, had refrained from putting on heels because I thought I was too tall, but this woman, who was clearly taller than I had not done the same. She had embraced and accepted who she was, something I had yet to do. On a trip to the clothing store one weekend, I dared myself to step into the shoes section and was surprised at the feeling of longing that filled me. I found myself reaching tentatively towards some of the shoes and my hands landed on a pair of simple black pumps with three-inch heels. I later tried them on and got a smile and look of approval from my mother. I thought of the woman who was inches taller than me and bought my first pair of heels that day.

I see the way people look at me when I walk into a room with and without heels. I still hear the whispers but now I tune them out. I pay attention to the compliments rather than the insults, and I wear my heels with pride. I don't wear heels because of the need to feel taller or gain dominance over anyone. I wear heels because they remind me that just because someone says you can't do something doesn't mean you can't. I wear heels because it makes me appreciate who I am and what I represent.

A young girl once asked me what my favorite type of heel was. "Wedges," I told her. "Why? Because they provide balance and support for the legs and are very reliable." She asked me why I wore heels since I was so tall. Instead of telling her the story of how I used to be self-conscious of my height, I told her the story of another girl similar to me. A girl who abstained from doing what she wanted because she was afraid of what people would think, but when she finally let go of that fear, she slowly started to find and accept herself for who she was. The little girl told me she wanted to be like that girl and I told her she could.