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Posts by fionaleeeee
Name: Fiona Li
Joined: Oct 12, 2014
Last Post: Nov 18, 2014
Threads: 2
Posts: 17  
From: China
School: no.2 high school

Displayed posts: 19
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fionaleeeee   
Oct 13, 2014
Essays / I've been thinking about the prompts for days but still got nothing yet; personal essay! [28]

i've been thinking about the prompts for days but still got nothing yet.
So here i am! i really want to know how to start as the deadline of early action/decision is coming up soon.
i read several ps here and i found everybody had his or her uniqueness but i can't really find anything that would stand me out so i am worried.

Any ideas or suggestions are appreciated :)

Thanks
fionaleeeee   
Oct 13, 2014
Essays / I've been thinking about the prompts for days but still got nothing yet; personal essay! [28]

Thanks Vangiespen!
I think I need to clarify the personal essay. I am talking about the essay that is required on the common app. Maybe it has an another name that I didn't know, sorry for that though.

Yea, I really hope you can help me with how to come up with ideas about that essay.
(You are fast btw!! so cool!!)
fionaleeeee   
Oct 13, 2014
Essays / I've been thinking about the prompts for days but still got nothing yet; personal essay! [28]

actually I want to write about the club that i founded. But I am looking for things that are unrelated to the activities... so i don't know where to start. Here are the 5 prompts that i should choose from:

...

and i also wonder if I should get an idea and see which question fits my topic the best or i should pick one question and start working on the question..?

thank you :)

hey!
i just thought about to write a draft to see if it works for my personal easy, but it is too long for 650 words limited. However, i guess, it would be better than nothing so i post it here and want help, especially on how to cut the part of the essay, from you. Thanks in advance again ;)

and i think i brought China to America indeed.
(OR: so that's how i brought China to America.)

as the last paragraph.
fionaleeeee   
Oct 14, 2014
Undergraduate / I have never really liked languages and learning a new one was the hardest thing I had to do [2]

The wind blew against my face

not sure there is any wind on the plane tho

I never really like languages and learning a new one was the hardest thing I had to do

I don't think the admission minister will appreciate a negative attitude...

If someone ask me if I would like to go back in time and change my decision to come to America, I would say no because it's the best decision I ever made.

I have ever made
fionaleeeee   
Oct 14, 2014
Essays / I've been thinking about the prompts for days but still got nothing yet; personal essay! [28]

It all started with a joke - common app

This is an essay for common app. Any suggestions will be appreciated :)
Thanks in advance!

assignment's prompt:
Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family.

"Whenever you feel like criticizing any one, just remember that all the people in this world haven't had the advantages that you've had." (The Great Gatsby)

"What did you do in America last year?" Different people - my relatives, friends and some strangers who heard that I've been to America last year - would asked me the same question in diverse places.

While I was wondering if they all colluded on that one, I answered with confidence: "I brought China to America!"
"Wait, wait, what? How?" and I saw all the same, confused faces and I wondered again if they colluded on that one as well. Yes, bringing China to America is the best thing I have ever done that made me mature and well developed as a young adult.

All in all, it all started with a joke.
[...]

you should rewrite the essay using one of the prompt provided in the application packet

I did, vangiespen !!!
will you please look at the essay i rewrite last night, please?
I added a quote from the Great Gatsby and the part after the story is totally changed.(the quote is something like the main idea of my essay I believe)

I just write it from another perspective although it is still something about the club, but the focus changed on me.
I wanna to ask that how should I shorten the story part and get the focus of me stands out? That has confused me for a long time.

Thank you indeed!
fionaleeeee   
Oct 16, 2014
Essays / I've been thinking about the prompts for days but still got nothing yet; personal essay! [28]

All of that changed for me the year I went to the United States as an exchange student. I learned more about the Americans and how wrong the Chinese were in their beliefs.

these are basically my reasons that led me to found the club...while the idea actually occurred was on my government class when my teacher asked me about how to improve america on the topics of guns, drugs and so forth and i gave an answer as "to be communism" while other kids were just wondering and discussing how but gave no answers.and then i realized the different thinking ways between the kids who are lived under the different culture, country and political backgrounds so i decided to break the wall between to two different thinking ways and try to find the equilibrium point as that is the only way to help the whole country, whether china or america, make progress.

well, that sounds too big, but i just want to say that i found out that the perspectives of one thing have many, and i realized that. so it is my duty, or my generation's duty to embrace the finding of equilibrium.

should i write about the reason like this?
or would you give other advice or rephrase them?

more:

introduce the Mandarin Orange Club

should i just introduce it in a formal way?
like it is the 1st club ever that uses chinese and the founder teaches chinese at that school...or introduce chinese culture that people are usually misunderstood?

or just introduce the email program is enough? however, i am concerned that i do have a brief introduction on my additional information of my common app, because i used my chinese club as an activity. will that be okay? or what do you think i should do??

thank you!!!:)
fionaleeeee   
Oct 16, 2014
Essays / I've been thinking about the prompts for days but still got nothing yet; personal essay! [28]

how the club functioned and how it succeeded or did not in helping bridge the gap in social understanding between the two nations

We have meeting every Wednesday after school. Because I was really nervous and was not really confident the first time at the meeting, I simply let them ask me questions about what they were interested in Chinese or what subjects they wanted to learn about. So after that meeting, I prepared chinese learning process including learning numbers, simple grammar, and even how to say their names in chinese. And also, I always had a part that was appealling because it included the interesting aspects about chinese culture and history. So basically I teach a class of 27 students who are interested in china, however, I found the answers that I came up with were not always adequate or true, so I connected my chinese friends and let them also enjoyed this group while they are still students in china. During the process, the students on the both sides learned that either extreme is not helpful and when we consider problems, we always need to find a point that includes the beauty of intelligence, honesty, friendship, and selflessness. I think it did help both sides of them understand the culture of each other much better, as later in my government class, we never talked about things from only American side but also from a chinese side. I felt much more confortable sitting in my government class and felt truly involved and blessed.

I think the biggest achievement that I got is that I made them change their perspectives not totally by adding a almost another extreme thought but help them find the equilibrium point. I feel like everybody is on one end of a lever, the mission of me is too tell everyone that don't be afraid of walking to another side, because you may fall down or get hurt on the way walking till the middle, but as you achieve it, you will find the beauty of equal.

I don't know if my answer if clear... as I am really worried that I could not write a good essay... please ask me more questions because I do want to dig into myself to show the thinking or the quality myself. Thank you!

As for the PM, I didn't find the bottom that says mail...I am a little bit confused..
fionaleeeee   
Oct 20, 2014
Scholarship / "DESCRIBE YOUR FINANCIAL CHALLENGE" applying for scholarships [3]

maybe you can state something like:

with the help of the scholarship, I will do ...(something) to improve not only the life of my own but also the community...
i guess the school is going to help somebody who can contribute back. maybe you want to show some aspects of that!
fionaleeeee   
Oct 20, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS ESSAY: Many people are afraid to leave their homes because of the fear of crime. [5]

There has been a rise in serious crime in the area where people live recently.People are involved in the discussion about whether the crime can be prevented basically.The focus of this essay is on the causes of and solutions to this issue.

i guess you may want to talk about your point of view in the first paragraph to compete it as Vangiespen said!
fionaleeeee   
Oct 20, 2014
Essays / I've been thinking about the prompts for days but still got nothing yet; personal essay! [28]

I found myself asking "How can foreigners truly know what our government in China is like?" I was hurt and I felt the need to do something to correct this American misconception about China

oh, i was saying the other kids were being sarcastic and didn't think i understand what "should" be talked about in american class. But this revising is good as well.

can i ask the reasons why you think the middle two paragraphs are unnecessary? i thought these are my realization and thinking process... i thought the AO would love to see what i learned from it... or how i did so...

also, i like your pieces a lot!!! however, with your new version, i only have 377 words left.. well, i am concerned if this is too short for personal essay.

the last thing is that what about the conclusion. i do write something to conclude the essay, what should i do with it??
:) thanks a lot for your help!!
fionaleeeee   
Oct 21, 2014
Undergraduate / There is a soldier who sees the world [5]

The first two are the short essays for Tulane U.
Any corrections or ideas are appreciated:)
However they all pass the words limits. So i hope somebody can guide me to cut some part that is unnecessary.
The third one is a question about an essay from haverford college. as i don't really know what it is talking about or what should i write about it.

Thanks guys!!!

1. Have you ever studied abroad? (yes)
Where did you travel, and what did you study? (250 characters or fewer)
There is a soldier who sees the world - America. Experiencing living in American as the local, I studied abroad for my junior year in Dubuque, Iowa. On the academic part, I studied the most challenging classes: AP Calculus and Chemistry and others; on the living part, I learned how to get a long with others and had a wonderful time participating in extra curriculums.

2. Have you ever participated in a community service project abroad? (yes)
Where did you travel, and what type of community service project did you participate in? (250 characters or fewer)
"Would you like a coupon?" I repeated this sentence for thousands of times on a snowing day. Knocking from door to door, I sale coupon for the specialized chairs for the disabled children who also studied at our school. When I saw the glittering eyes on their faces as they received new chairs, I knew my life was fulfilled by helping others.

3.We recognize that reading about an Honor Code is very different from living with it. Nevertheless, if you come to Haverford, the Code will be a part of your college life. We therefore ask you to write a reflective essay of 1-2 pages in response to one of the following prompts:

CAN ANYBODY EXPLAIN WHAT THE HONOR CODE ESSAY IS??? (For Harverford College) THANKS!!!!
fionaleeeee   
Oct 23, 2014
Essays / I've been thinking about the prompts for days but still got nothing yet; personal essay! [28]

Thanks for your prompt reply, Vangiespen!
However, I felt the conclusion is too strong on the country parts. Because what i want to show AO is that I can see things in different angles, or at least two angles. But the main point is not about China and America... the misconception is like a trigger of me establishing my club, but not the aim of my essay...So is there another way to conclude the passage???

a few questions here: I didn't see you correct or revise any parts in the follow paragraphs... would you give me some ideas on those two?? :)
fionaleeeee   
Nov 14, 2014
Essays / I've been thinking about the prompts for days but still got nothing yet; personal essay! [28]

"How can we improve gun control policies?"

My government teacher posed this question to the mass of students before him, standing formidably at the front of the classroom.
This was not the first time that I had been asked such an "American" question. As a Chinese exchange student, I have often wondered how to answer such questions most tactfully. While my classmates brainstormed about detailed government implementations, I was trying to open a new line of thinking.

"To be more communist." The words blurted out of my mouth without any hesitation. The class roared with laughter. A classmate who seated behind me scoffed harshly at my suggestion: "How could a foreigner like YOU know what OUR government is like? Hahaha"

His words stung. I could feel my face getting red.

I was upset, but all I could do was fume silently in my seat. "Were all Americans so ignorant and close-minded?" I felt like there was a thick wall reinforced with steels between the others and me, a wall that could never be broke down.

However, life proved me wrong. Looking back, I realize now that all these misunderstandings came not from what others did, but from what I myself had or rather, had not done. I, naively, was the one who was too quick to judge. Without thinking deeply, I had made my assumptions about others on my own but failed to question why my peers did not understand my perspective, or had never tried to explain the cultural differences between China and America. My immediate thoughts were to protect myself from having my opinions passed off because I was a "foreigner". It was this realization that inspired me to rebuild my personalities to a more mature state by dissolving the misconceptions between the others and me, extendedly, Americans and Chinese.

I founded Mandarin Orange Club, which had meetings, usually about two hours, every Wednesday after school. To fully utilize the limited two hours, I made specific plans about what I was going to convey: the translations of their names, pieces of Chinese history, basic language with grammar and a short time for Q&A. The first three parts went out smoothly, however, with the last section turning out being too short --- they had too many questions about Chinese: the food, music, lives, even the ideology about ancient Chinese! Some of the questions were answered through my personal experiences, while leaving others I had no ideas, either. Then a brilliant plan came up to my mind: to make my Chinese friends and my American peers into pairs so that both of them would get to know each others' culture better and more lively through e-mails with out any time-consuming. Through this experience, both parties corresponded with one another well. However, students who did not join the club still aggressively interrogated me on cultural differences that they did not understand.

"Has communism ever worked?"
"Can you really not access Facebook?"

These misconceptions, although harsh, no longer angered me. Instead, I took pride in what I was doing to eliminate these misunderstandings. The club not only improved my administrative capabilities, but also shaped the development of my core life values. The more I shared with my peers, the more I realized that everyone's thinking is at the very least subconsciously influenced by cultural background. Now, I wait patiently to hear other people's opinions and I take the time to figure out how they have arrived at their opinions. Therefore, I developed to a person who no longer judge others by personal opinions but think about the whole things in detail with standing in others' shoes and then make final decisions. On a larger scale, in today's increasingly globalized world, misunderstandings can be particularly damaging to international relations without multicultural perspectives in mind.

I seek to find the equilibrium point, a point at the intersection of carefully considering all perspectives equally. However, this club is only a start.
fionaleeeee   
Nov 18, 2014
Undergraduate / There is a soldier who sees the world [5]

wow, that helped me a lot. Your explanations are always neat!
so should i write a story or something on what i have done to show my honesty?
do you have any suggestions about it?:)
thank you!!!
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