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Posts by YUEyue
Name: Yue Cao
Joined: Oct 12, 2014
Last Post: Oct 12, 2014
Threads: 1
Posts: 3  
From: China

Displayed posts: 4
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YUEyue   
Oct 12, 2014
Writing Feedback / TOEFL: The food we eat today may put a damper on our health rather than making us live healthier [7]

Thank you for helping me with this Toefl independence writing!

Nowadays, although people pay more attention on their eating habits and try to have some green food, considering the food we eat itself, I think it is fair to say that the food we eat may put a damper on our health rather than making us live healthier. Because everyone of us is suffering the food safety problems more serious than before, such as the modern technology of agriculture, the food style we eat and the environment where the food growing. These factors are all have significant influence on the safety of the food we eat.

First, the modern technology of producing food may damage our health. More specifically, the population of the world is growing rapidly, and scientists and farmers have to invent some technologies to help farming, but the technology, such as genetically modified technology and some chemicals and pesticide may damage persons' body, such as nervous system, brain developing. So these damages may contribute some weird illness. Recent years, my country's supermarket introduce a lot commodities which are claiming they are genetically modified food, because the price of this kind of food is much lower than the food which is non-genetically modified, so many people are pursuing this kind of bargain. But nowadays, more and more people in my country have some weird illness. And some scientists of my country have done a lot of research and they claimed that there is some relationship between the illness and the genetically modified food. So, considering the negative influence of the modern technology of producing food, I think the food today are not healthier than the past.

In addition, modern time, the food style we eat is not healthy, either. More specifically, nowadays, people have a lot of bad eating choices and in some situation, especially young people who is busy with his work also do not have time waiting or cooking for healthy food, they may eat something like fast food, simple bread slice. This kind of food are which we may call it "junk food", it is obviously that this kind of food is not nutrients balanced and these people who eat this kind of food may get illness easily, because they consume a lot of energy everyday but cannot have a sufficient nutrients supply.

Although people now are paying more attention on food health, but the facts we face may not allow people to have a healthy lifestyle. Because there are too many factors prevent human from eating healthy food.
YUEyue   
Oct 12, 2014
Writing Feedback / TOEFL: The food we eat today may put a damper on our health rather than making us live healthier [7]

Thanks a lot, vangiespen!
It means that you think my essay is digress from the topic?:(

Here are my thoughts about this topic:
I think I support the idea that the food we eat today is not healthy, because first, I think the technology we use to farm is bad for our health, because we use too many chemicals, pesticide, and some technology which has potential dangerous to people. And I also think some food choices also have negative influence on people's health, because many people choose to eat something like fast food. Then I think the environment where the grains grow can also make people unhealthy. These are my three points about the topic.

Maybe my example cannot support my points?
The second paragraph I use the example about people in my country who choose GM food get illness because of the GM food.
And yes, the third paragraph I didn't use some specific ideas to support my view, thank you for telling me!

if I revise my second paragraph like this:
First,food which is using the modern technology may damage our health. More specifically, the population of the world is growing rapidly, and scientists and farmers have to invent some technologies to help farming, but the technology, such as genetically modified technology and some chemicals and pesticide may damage persons' body, such as nervous system, brain developing. So these damages may contribute some weird illness. For example, Several years ago, my country's supermarket began to introduce a lot of commodities which are claiming they are genetically modified food, because the price of this kind of food is much lower than the food which is non-genetically modified, so many people are pursuing this kind of bargain. But these days, more and more people in my country have some weird illness. And some scientists of my country have done a lot of research and they claimed that there is some relationship between these illness and the genetically modified food. So, considering the research result about the patients who get this illness tell us that modern food has some negative influence on people's health.

you don't think this is still not a kind of example to support my view that the technology produced food is bad for people?

So many thanks!!!
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