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Posts by Zero_II
Name: Zackary Kellett
Joined: Oct 15, 2014
Last Post: Oct 20, 2014
Threads: 2
Posts: 4  
From: United States of America
School: Middlesex Country Vocational Technical Schools- East Brunswick Campus

Displayed posts: 6
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Zero_II   
Oct 15, 2014
Undergraduate / The realization that altered my life course (Work in progress)- Commonapp [3]

I'm looking to see if I'm going in the right direction here. Spelling and grammar issues are secondary to the message of the essay itself. Thanks in advance.

Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

(250-650 words)

I chose my own path



The most critical point in the formation of my identity thus far came from my shift in perspective of my father. I stopped seeing him as a role model to aspire to, but as a preview of a possible future for myself. I realized I didn't like what I saw, and chose to start down a different path that I decided on.

Both my father and I were born with a natural affinity for comprehending and retaining information, giving us both an academic edge. Instead of pushing the limits of his ability and striving to reach ever greater heights, my father was content in staying within his comfort zone, dropping out of college after only a couple of months. Without a college degree, my dad's career path was quite limited; eventually he got into the telephone company business where he has remained for years, the only recognition for his efforts being a promotion from labor to a desk job. Now, it wasn't until after my parents divorced that the implications of the choices my dad made occured to me. He had the potential to be debating string theory with some of the greatest minds of our time, but instead plans where to lay cable from a cubicle. It just seemed like such a waste, to have the chance to change the world and squander it in a life of mediocrity. That's when I realized what I wanted to strive for in life: I wanted to change the world. Now that may sound like the most cliche aspiration on the face of the planet, but to me it was the most novel and worthwhile goal that had ever been set. If my life could make even the tiniest impact on the world, it would validate my entire existence. It would mean I mattered, that I moved the world forward rather than simply be another support holding it place. At that moment, I knew nothing else would satisfy me; so I made a plan to make it happen. I already knew myself well enough to know that I could never work hard enough to achieve my goal if I chose a career I didn't find interesting, so the question was: what interests me the most? The answer was people. I was always curious as to why people do what they do. Why do some people stare straight into your eyes when talking while other avoid your gaze entirely? Why does that person enjoy horror stories when their twin only reads romances? People have always fascinated me, so why not learn all I can about them? Maybe I could figure something out that no one else had thought of before. The first step in all this would be to test my limits and expand my horizons by getting the best education I could manage. To that end, I am here now writing this essay in the hopes of being one step closer to realizing my ambitions.
Zero_II   
Oct 16, 2014
Undergraduate / The realization that altered my life course (Work in progress)- Commonapp [3]

Thank you very much for your review; I'm glad to see it conveyed the message I had intended. If you'd like to help with the mechanics of the essay, I'd gladly welcome it. Thanks again for taking the time to read this over; you've already been a huge help.
Zero_II   
Oct 16, 2014
Undergraduate / 'Super Mario and neuroscience' - UVA Supplement essay for College of Arts and Science! [7]

I think you have a great basis for your essay here. The curiosity and passion you touched on are both traits you want to emphasize. I think you just need to fine tune the details. Grammar aside, it read well, but I wasn't able to get a very clear picture of what exactly it was that you zeroed in on. Also, the way it read to me, it sounded more as though you were attempting to disprove the study's claim and affirm your own belief rather than test its validity. To me, it came across as slightly arrogant, but it may not read that way to others. Anyway, I think with some fine tuning, you can make this a powerful essay. Let me know if you want to go into the mechanics of it as well.
Zero_II   
Oct 16, 2014
Undergraduate / 'Super Mario and neuroscience' - UVA Supplement essay for College of Arts and Science! [7]

Just try to make sure the tenses of your vebs match each other and make sense in the context where they're used. For example, you start by saying your family was "watching" the news but then you say you "sat" on the sofa. In this case, "was sitting" would make the sentence flow more smoothly than "sat". That kind of thing. The only other error that jumped at me was using "but yet" as opposed to "yet it" or simply "but". These are the things I noticed, but as I'm not an expert on the english language I may have missed something. I hope this helps.
Zero_II   
Oct 17, 2014
Undergraduate / Activities / vacations / values - (Princeton University Supplemental) [3]

Of the three essays here, I would ask that the focus be on the last one. However, I would very much appreciate feedback on all three essays. Thanks in advance.

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences that was particularly meaningful to you. (About 150 words)

The activity I remember being the most meaningful to me would be my participation in the East Brunswick TOP Soccer program. The program sought to teach children with serious mental or physical handicaps to play soccer through volunteer ​"buddies". As a buddy, I was able to interact with all different types of handicapped children. I've always enjoyed dealing with children, but this experience in particular had a certain feeling of accomplishment. Playing with those kids should have been the most mundane, routine thing for them, but they were so excited and eager it took me by surprise. I realized that I had become a part of these kids lives, that I was something to look forward to. That gave me a sense of belonging that I had never experienced before. All I changed in those kids was their soccer skills, but those kids managed to change me on a fundamental level.

Please tell us how you have spent the last two summers (or vacations between school years), including any jobs you have held. (About 150 words)

The past couple of summers, I've participated in an ensemble program at a local theatre. At the time, I had no idea just how beneficial the time spent there would be. Before enrolling in the program, I lacked many necessary social skills, and so I tended to isolate myself. We later found this was caused by my previously undiagnosed ADHD. Thankfully, the theatre program gave me an opportunity to develop some of these skills. The goal of the program was to have the participants work together to create an original production, emphasizing cooperation and communication amongst the ensemble. Normally, that would have been problematic for me, but between my new medication and the fact that everyone in the program had mindsets similar to my own, I was able to integrate myself into the group with little incident. The interactions I had within the program served as the building blocks for my current social skills and remain as very fond memories in my heart.

In addition to the essay you have written for the Common Application, please write an essay of about 500 words (no more than 650 words and no less than 250 words). Using one of the themes below as a starting point, write about a person, event, or experience that helped you define one of your values or in some way changed how you approach the world. Please do not repeat, in full or in part, the essay you wrote for the Common Application.

Using a favorite quotation from an essay or book you have read in the last three years as a starting point, tell us about an event or experience that helped you define one of your values or changed how you approach the world. Please write the quotation, title and author at the beginning of your essay.


"Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery." -Harry Potter And The Goblet Of Fire (J.K. Rowling)

This quote has significant meaning to me as it almost perfectly describes one of my own personal experiences where understanding and acceptance helped me to move past an old trauma. About seven years ago, I transferred to a new school where I was bullied nonstop until I graduated middle school. Throughout the ordeal, and for sometime afterwards, I viewed the ones who bullied me as evil. I felt that they had selected me alone from the entire student body and collectively decided to make me suffer. I thought they hated me, so I hated them back the entire time, even after graduating away from all of them. What I didn't realize was that so long as I held onto that hatred, I would never be able to move on and heal. It was only recently that I was able to start recovering after coming to understand that I had been mistaken. I realized that the ones who bullied me weren't the monsters I had thought them to be, but just ordinary kids. They didn't single me out to bully and torment; I was a weird, socially inept transfer student they didn't know what to do with. They weren't evil, I just rubbed them the wrong way and they lashed out. Now while that didn't change the fact that what they did to me was wrong and traumatizing, realizing that I wasn't bullied out of spite helped me move on. I let go of my resentment when I realized there was no reason to hate kids for being human. And once I let go of that, I was finally able to put the past behind me and start healing the wounds left behind. If my ordeal taught me anything, it's that there are few truly evil people, most often times there are simply actions perceived as evil. Right or wrong, everyone has a reason for what they do. By understanding those reasons, we can accept them for what they are and move forward. I've already taken my first few steps and I don't plan on stopping anytime soon.
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