Undergraduate / Children have more opportunities in big cities rather than in countryside [2]

i was told that in a persuasive essay you shouldn't be saying "well they both have their benefits" stick to one side of the argument, i'm not saying bash the opposing view point for example, "what the countryside lacks for in resources, cities make up for it" make your argument strong

stick to one side, when the reader reads your essay it wont be clear from the beginning what side you are on. make it clear from the beginning

good luck!!!
please read mine?

undergraduate thread (opinion on UC prompt)

Undergraduate / Fascination for the human body and a career in medicine - UC Prompt 1 [3]

I think this essay is great, it has depth and explains everything you mentioned, however you are right, the essay doesn't talk enough about you. you do a great job of listing your accomplishment, which is great, however I feel like you didn't learn from what you did, yes you learned how to be a leader, you learned how to research and produce a project, although you never say how it impacts you, how what you learned now can be used in the future. if anything this essay is great it captivated me from the very beginning however, I feel like as an admissions officer I would want to know about you. you already have this listed on your application, they want to know how this changed you, how it impacted you in a positive manner. other than that great essay.

Undergraduate / Chance at self discovery | Boston University supplement [3]

I like it honestly, I felt like you describing how much you wanted to be there, made me want to be there. great essay you could improve maybe by adding more detail on yourself, I only recall reading that you liked biology at an early age? I feel like you have to incorporate more about yourself everything in this essay, the admission officer already knows this, they know you want to study biology, they know this, what they don't know is why... why are you so interested in biology? did a certain life event cause this? your personal statement is where the officers can read something that isn't on your application. keep that in mind, its a good essay overall I would definitely add more about yourself.

Undergraduate / What seemed like a curse at first, it was truly a blessing in disguise; personal statement for UW [4]

Only through an experience like mine was I able to truly get to know and understand so many new cultures.

I don't think that only your experience can get you to understand your culture

More often than not, I regret coming to China

I don't think you should say you regret going to China because you shouldn't its an amazing opportunity plus the officers are going to think why does she regret something that helped her grow???

Being the socially outgoing person I am

don't understand this... if you are socially outgoing how were you in solitiude, I understand it is because you were new but I don't think you should put you were socially outgoing if you don't show it in this occasion

other than that... great essay I related to it (: