Posts by yoshimax

yoshimax

Dec 16, 2014

Undergraduate / Applying to Duke was an easy choice [5]

If you are applying to the Trinity College of Arts and Sciences as a first year applicant, please discuss why you consider Duke a good match for you. Is there something particular about Duke that attracts you? (Please limit your response to no more than 150 words.)

Duke has always been like a second home to me, ever since I was a young child visiting the school with my cousin, a graduate student. The university's huge towers and sweeping windows fascinated me, and I became an avid supporter of Duke's sports teams. As I grew older, I continued going to Duke for events like the Duke Splash program and the regional spelling bee.

[...]

yoshimax

Dec 16, 2014

Undergraduate / Applying to Duke was an easy choice [5]

How's this?

As someone who wants to explore the United States and world, but first wants to get a quality education close to home, I am intrigued by Duke's national and international study abroad programs. I know the instruction I receive on campus will be unique because of the school's low faculty-to-student ratio and its thousands of courses. The U.S. News & World Report ranked Duke as the 8th best school in the country, so the school will certainly be able to provide me with a first-rate education.

I have led many organizations at my high school, and I hope to continue being an active member of my community in college. I have always picked up copies of The Chronicle whenever I've visited Duke's campus, and it would be an honor to get a job working for the newspaper myself. With over 400 organizations on campus, there will be plentiful opportunities to get involved.

Duke has played an important role in my life since I was a child, when I accompanied my cousin to the school while she did research. I've always admired its beautiful Gothic architecture, and I recently got to explore an obstacle course in Duke Forest during a Duke Splash program. A Yelp reviewer called this forest "one of those local gems that I believe is largely overlooked," and I have to agree. I hope to officially become a Blue Devil and discover many more of the university's secrets.

yoshimax

Dec 31, 2014

Undergraduate / 'elastic material's ability to absorb the energy'; Spring = Me? [2]

While the physics information enhances your essay, I think it would be better if you included more personal information and less scientific information. Tell the admissions officer something that happened to you that shows your ability to recover after adversity. Have you been discriminated against before? Did you fight back? Has something bad happened in your life that you've recovered from? Something like this would be great. There are a few grammatical issues:

"with this trait were (should be where) coping with an adversity may seem hard at first"
"letting the string to originate " Do you mean "return to"?
"evades my mind when faced with difficulty" I think you meant "comes to my mind". Evade means it avoids your mind.

yoshimax

Dec 31, 2014

Undergraduate / When writing this supplement for NYU, I shouldn't regurgitate everything provided in the pamphlets. [3]

I'm working on this one too and I'm having trouble with it. (I'm about to post mine so I'd love if you could look at it.) Good luck!

I like your beginning where you talked about your experience on campus. I'd talk more about your personal experience with the school when you're explaining what NYU can offer you. Do you know someone who goes/went there? Have they said something about the school you agree with? Something like that. I also talked about some of NYU's weirder programs, like their exploration floors. You can be on a floor with a lot of geeks or history nerds. I thought that was pretty cool and unique.

For my transition, all I did was start a paragraph with "I can offer NYU..." I don't know if there is a good way to transition between the two subjects. This paragraph is great. the only thing I'd change is writing out the number four. You write out numbers less than 10. Other than that, it looks good to me.

yoshimax

Dec 31, 2014

Undergraduate / Like a good book, New York University keeps getting better every time I read (well, research) it. [3]

NYU is global, urban, inspired, smart, connected, and bold. What can NYU offer you, and what can you offer NYU? (200-400 words)
Like a good book, New York University keeps getting better every time I read (well, research) it.

At first, I liked NYU because it is, to use the words of its founder, more "in and of the city" than other New York City colleges. This suits me, as I'm looking into subjects like political science and journalism so I hope to supplement my classroom lessons with hands-on experiences in the city. For example, major protests broke out in the streets of NYC recently, shutting down Times Square. This is interesting from a journalistic and political perspective.

I later visited NYU, and my tour guide told me about a school I hadn't yet heard of--the Gallatin School of Individualized Study. This was a godsend to me, as I had been panicking over choosing only one of my many interests to study. At Gallatin, I can combine my interests into a customized major, such as political journalism.

After the tour, I researched NYU extensively online. While doing this, I stumbled upon exploration floors, one of my favorite aspects of NYU. These floors, which I haven't seen at any other school, will alleviate the stress of worrying about who my roommate will be because I know she'll be awesome. I can live on a floor with other geeks and potentially go to Comic-Con or room with comedy fans and attend a taping of The Daily Show. Either one sounds like a great option to me.

I can offer NYU the unique perspective of a determined, quirky individual. When I care about something, I'll accept no less than my best on it. I'm passionate about school, for example, and I've turned in all of my homework assignments on time throughout middle and high school. (I'd say that the same goes for elementary school, but third grade was a rough year. I had to move to a new hallway, which logically resulted in me losing the majority of my homework.)

I also hope to bring knowledge to NYU that other students won't have. For example, I am already experienced in professional journalism. I was selected for a governor's page program that will take place in February, so I will bring political knowledge. I have some experience with creative writing, my third interest, as well--I have been published in a creative writing anthology.

I believe that NYU is the best school for me, so I hope I'll be a member of the Class of 2019.

yoshimax

Dec 31, 2014

Undergraduate / Like a good book, New York University keeps getting better every time I read (well, research) it. [3]

I switched the homework section last minute, so I'll change it back.

This is what I previously had: I can offer NYU the unique perspective of a quirky and strong-willed individual. I'm unashamed to admit that I watch everything from Spongebob to Game of Thrones. I also love being creative. I make Christmas presents for my parents each year, and I recently made them a calendar that starts in August (when I leave for college) and contains strange quotes and pictures of me. Not an ordinary gift, but it's certainly memorable.

Is that any better?