Thenewimmigrant
Jun 26, 2015
Undergraduate / I was enthralled by the things I saw in the USA for the first time in my life - Personal Statement [2]
Hey guys I need some help on grammar and feedback on my prompt.
Describe the world you come from:
As I walked out of San Francisco International Airport, I immediately wrapped my hands around me as I felt the cold air I never felt before. Feeling a cold summer breeze is really unusual for someone who grew up from the tropical country of the Philippines. It is also unusual for me to see a lot of pine trees instead of coconut trees around the area. I was so amazed of the things I saw that day that I have never seen before in my sixteen years of life. That day marked me as it officially changed my life.
It's been nine months since I immigrated here in the United States. I came here with my whole family and left everything behind back in the Philippines to start a new life here. It was my grandfather's dream to bring all of his family here in America and he did not fail. We all live together in a low-income apartment. Our 3-bedroom apartment has nine occupants and it exceeds the maximimum household members without the management's consent. One of my grandfather's last wishes is to see his family living together before his dies and we are currently granting this wish to him.
My father left his job as an engineer and my mother pursued an early retirement just to take this opportunity to move here. Despite of their old age they believed that there are still greener pasteurs for their family. Their chances of providing a good and bright future for me and my sister was inhibited by their age and their limited mastery of the English language. I watched my parents moan as they suffer stress and body pain every night just to support us. Their zeal and ambition are being held back and I watched it fall apart. The only thing I could do is to give my full support in finding the jobs they need. I helped them with translations, understand job descriptions and have made them a resume. My sister, on the other hand, stopped attending college and worked thirteen hours everyday just to support us.
As a fresh graduate from high school in the Philippines, I had to go back to high school as a junior because of the difference in the educational system. I had no idea of what it is like to be a student here in America and I find it difficult to adjust. I had to walk to school everyday because I have no money to take the bus before my parents found jobs. I got picked by my fellow peers and they often took advantage of me. I felt alone and lonely and I just think that not a lot of people are given a chance to live the American dream and experience its opportunities.
I am hoping that someday I would get my family away from poverty and it made me consider going to college. However, I just started my life here and it came to me that I dont have a very strong chance of competing against students who have been here all their lives. These factors affected the courses I could take and as well as my standardized test scores. It would be very difficult for someone like me to compete against all other applicants who want to be admitted to big universities and qualify for scholarships and it left me feeling hopeless.
I realized that this is not going to stop me from dreaming big. I have much to owe my family for bringing me here and I will piece their shattered dreams with my unskilled hands. I made friends and I learned to become active in extra-curricular activities. I joined Filipino Club, California Scholarship Federation and badminton. I am also an honoured Questbridge College Prep Scholar and also did a summer internship with our school district. This school year I hope to join more clubs and make the most of the available advance classes I could take to prove that I can be one of the students who can recieve scholarships and be accepted to prestigious universities. Not a lot of students get to have the opportunity to go back to high school and make the most of the second chance given. In less than a year, I proved that someone like me who just came here can be someone who can change the world.
MOD comment:I request you to pay attention to have a meaningful (and unique) title in the subject field when you open a new thread. This is one of our rules. Thank you.
Hey guys I need some help on grammar and feedback on my prompt.
Describe the world you come from:
As I walked out of San Francisco International Airport, I immediately wrapped my hands around me as I felt the cold air I never felt before. Feeling a cold summer breeze is really unusual for someone who grew up from the tropical country of the Philippines. It is also unusual for me to see a lot of pine trees instead of coconut trees around the area. I was so amazed of the things I saw that day that I have never seen before in my sixteen years of life. That day marked me as it officially changed my life.
It's been nine months since I immigrated here in the United States. I came here with my whole family and left everything behind back in the Philippines to start a new life here. It was my grandfather's dream to bring all of his family here in America and he did not fail. We all live together in a low-income apartment. Our 3-bedroom apartment has nine occupants and it exceeds the maximimum household members without the management's consent. One of my grandfather's last wishes is to see his family living together before his dies and we are currently granting this wish to him.
My father left his job as an engineer and my mother pursued an early retirement just to take this opportunity to move here. Despite of their old age they believed that there are still greener pasteurs for their family. Their chances of providing a good and bright future for me and my sister was inhibited by their age and their limited mastery of the English language. I watched my parents moan as they suffer stress and body pain every night just to support us. Their zeal and ambition are being held back and I watched it fall apart. The only thing I could do is to give my full support in finding the jobs they need. I helped them with translations, understand job descriptions and have made them a resume. My sister, on the other hand, stopped attending college and worked thirteen hours everyday just to support us.
As a fresh graduate from high school in the Philippines, I had to go back to high school as a junior because of the difference in the educational system. I had no idea of what it is like to be a student here in America and I find it difficult to adjust. I had to walk to school everyday because I have no money to take the bus before my parents found jobs. I got picked by my fellow peers and they often took advantage of me. I felt alone and lonely and I just think that not a lot of people are given a chance to live the American dream and experience its opportunities.
I am hoping that someday I would get my family away from poverty and it made me consider going to college. However, I just started my life here and it came to me that I dont have a very strong chance of competing against students who have been here all their lives. These factors affected the courses I could take and as well as my standardized test scores. It would be very difficult for someone like me to compete against all other applicants who want to be admitted to big universities and qualify for scholarships and it left me feeling hopeless.
I realized that this is not going to stop me from dreaming big. I have much to owe my family for bringing me here and I will piece their shattered dreams with my unskilled hands. I made friends and I learned to become active in extra-curricular activities. I joined Filipino Club, California Scholarship Federation and badminton. I am also an honoured Questbridge College Prep Scholar and also did a summer internship with our school district. This school year I hope to join more clubs and make the most of the available advance classes I could take to prove that I can be one of the students who can recieve scholarships and be accepted to prestigious universities. Not a lot of students get to have the opportunity to go back to high school and make the most of the second chance given. In less than a year, I proved that someone like me who just came here can be someone who can change the world.
MOD comment:I request you to pay attention to have a meaningful (and unique) title in the subject field when you open a new thread. This is one of our rules. Thank you.